Hearsay


Published on October 3, 2002, 12:00am | Comments

A ramble by any other name is a ramble that begins at Ziegfeld's, travels to Chaos, bounces back to Velvet and then BodySmith, before winding up at Making Porn…

Almost the very instant Hearsay reported the winner of the Miss Ziegfeld's 2003 pageant, it got a call from the club's manager, Jon “Flower Power” Parks who alerted Hearsay to two errors in need of correcting. Hearsay's first mistake: Pageant-winner Cricket isn't just Cricket, but Cricket Farrington, and she wasn't the first runner-up the year before but the second runner up, and although her bosom is big it's not as big as it used to be because the well-candied lady has undergone breast reduction surgery so now they're plump as two fresh plums. Not too plump, though, but just plump enough. That's a great word, don't you think? Plump. Try saying it out loud a few times. Hearsay doesn't regret the errors it made, because Hearsay regrets few things in life. And speaking of life, one of the city's most popular (and humble) and beautiful (and luscious) and plump-lipped (and vibrant) and talented dragatainers, GiGi Couture, celebrated several years of life on this planet last Tuesday, October 1, during her regular Bingo stint at Chaos. Despite using techniques it learned from watching the evil dentist on Alias on Chaos owner Carlos “Drill Me, Baby” Aguilar, Hearsay was unable to extract the exact number of years GiGi has spent wandering this great blue planet in search of the perfect lip gloss. And speaking of lip gloss, Hearsay doesn't want to gloss over last Saturday's Drag-A-Palooza at VelvetNation. Linda “Ass-shakin'” Carrerro STOLE the show, giving a performance that was so good it put the F back in Fierce and set the audience's head on spin dry, whatever that means. The always incomparable Lena “Ask Me Anything” Lett, stunning in her dragon-spangled gown, was similarly stellar. Ashton “Miss Omega, Miss Gay DC, Miss Am I Missing Any Titles?” Taylor did her best to destroy any eardrums within hearing distance of her big wooden shoes. “It's a little too loud,” one observer remarked to Hearsay of Taylor's trademarked clogging. “It sounds like a drive-by gone bad.” Also present and accounted for: Aubrey and Cookie “All U Can Eat” Buffet, who lit up the evening in her Billion Points of Lights dress. The evening's disappointment: Lady “Rabbit Ears” Bunny, who seemed to be a little too tipsy for her own good. One backstage insider put it best: “That bitch is liquored out of her head!” Hiccup. All in a Saturday night. And speaking of Saturday night, Hearsay managed a drop by the Grand Opening Party of the new BodySmith on 14th Street (between Corcoran and R Streets), a lavish two-floor personal training studio and private gym owned by Stuart “Faux Homo” Smith. Hearsay bumped into all manner of old friends, including Brad “That's Mormon!” Harris, co-publisher of the exceptionally handy annual, The Other Pages, Brent “Chili Time” Beemer, and Matthew “I'm No Saint” Borkowski. Hearsay also spotted one of the city's Gay Demonic Ten, a list so incredibly hush-hush that only Hearsay and its secretary, Sweet Charlotte, knows whose names it contains. Anyway, reports the blond-frosted Smith, the new BodySmith will be open for biz “verrrrry soon, within the next two weeks.” And speaking of the next two weeks, that should be about the time that Hearsay takes off for its annual adventure in Guam, where it attends the John Guare Spirit Gum Festival. But before it departs, Hearsay will get to the bottom of a question plaguing Washington's gay clubland for several weeks now: What the hell is Apex? If you think you know, write Hearsay at Hearsay@metroweekly.net and offer up your hypothesis. All hypotheses received via EMAIL ONLY no later than 6 p.m. next Tuesday, October 8, will be entered into a random drawing to win one pair of tickets to the October 12th (that's NEXT FRIDAY, girls) performance of Making Porn, starring a couple of big, beefy, interchangeable porn stars in roles requiring them to recite lines longer than, “Yeah, I got a girlfriend. Wanna fuck my ass?” The winner will be notified via email with instructions on how to retrieve his (or, God forbid, her) tickets. And so the ramble comes to an end until the next ramble begins…


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