Hearsay

The High Heel Race, Feel Affirmation, Cobalt


Published on October 30, 2003, 12:00am | Comments

It rained, it poured, but the masses turned out on 17th…
Reel Affirmations wraps with its best fest ever…
Cobalt's best strut their stuff…

Few events can bring Hearsay out into a cold, pouring rain -- but one of them, The 17th Street High Heel Race, as always hosted and exceedingly well-managed by JR.'s and a staff of orange-shirted, extraordinarily polite volunteers, occurred just this past Tuesday, October 28. Yes, Hearsay was there getting drenched with a throng of straight Washingtonians who came to gawk at the gays on parade. But what a parade -- it was a cavalcade of men in dresses, some of which, like the gals who came dressed as Vegas Showgirl Hotels, were absolutely expansive in their illustriousness. Hearsay thinks the Di thing is a little tired by now, but at least the lady had a great set of gams. On the other hand, Hearsay gives its highest honors to the frolicking White Trash Complete with whirling Tornado troupe and to an S&M-oriented Pooh and Piglet, who brought new meaning to 3-acre Wood, and to a pair of Madonnas who engaged in the kind of lascivious cheek-blushing activity one once found with regularity in the thicket of P Street Beach. (To see a few eye-popping pics of the Madonnas in action, as well as an abundance of additional pics not published on the pages of this publication, visit metroweekly.com, which is something you should be doing with more regularity than visiting P Street Beach, by the way). Hearsay must also note that Cookie Buffet never looked more ravishing and colorful, having clearly at long last figured out the secret to applying makeup (you don't do it with a big damp sponge). Hearsay also noted the appearance of a certain leatherman who, with a scandal a few years behind him, is making an attempt to reemerge into our great gay society. The question is: do we want him back? Congrats to the race winner Ron “Lightning Legs” Brown. The 37-year-old restaurant manager won by a mile and a half (the throng that followed him mostly ended up sauntering leisurely across the finish line, carefully overseen by the tag team of Kenny & Irv). And finally, a Big Hearsay Trumpet Blast to Dave “Wanna Put Your Lips on My Bullhorn?” Peruzza for keeping the sopping wet madhouse as sane as possible…

“Here I am accepting an award for a gay film about Mormons, with a drink in my hand. This is so gay,” blurted Latter Days director C. Jay “I Spooned With Reese and Withered” Cox at the closing night for this year's Reel Affirmations, last Saturday, October 25. Cox's drama took the award for audience fave, as Hearsay might have predicted, since it features a couple of extremely handsome, naked buff guys in a really steamy hot sex scene. (Gay men are so predictable.) Cox presided over a Q&A largely attended by, from what Hearsay could tell, gay Mormons, gay ex-Mormons, ex-ex-gay Mormon believers, ex-ex gay Mormon nonbelievers and their ex-ex-exes. At the closing night party the crowd clamored to bump elbows with the simply gor-gee-ous Steve “I Enjoy a Cup of Java Every Now and Then” Sandvoss, who played the film's fresh-from-Idaho, blond-haired, blue-eyed doe of a Mormon missionary (and that's a position we'd like to try with ol' Steve). A week earlier, a somewhat older star graced the crowd with his presence -- Charles “My Lipstick is Smeared” Busch, writer and star of the sumptuously entertaining Die Mommie Die! After a brief introduction, Le Busch was whisked off to the airport and back to The Great White Way, where he's busy tinkering with the book of Taboo, the musical based on the life of Boy “Let's Try for One Last Career Jolt” George starring Boy George and produced by Rosie “I've Got Nothing Else to Do” O'Donnell. Ever the critic, Hearsay felt the caliber of films was a wee bit higher in this year thirteen of the festival. Of course, the free-flowing booze from the festival's “patron saint,” Absolut Vodka didn't hurt to temper Hearsay's critical skills. Hearsay bids a fond farewell to longtime festival director Sarah “They're Grrrrreat” Kellogg, who has clearly put up with Hearsay's questions about Battle Creek for long enough. And lest Hearsay get grief about it, Hearsay must make mention of One In Ten's tireless CEO, Carlos “No, I'm Not a Fucking Opera Queen” Arias. Bravo to all. Hey, here's an idea: next year, why not have James “Dunk Me in Hot Water” Lipton introduce all the films?…

Hearsay now turns its big blue eyes toward Cobalt, where on Thursday, October 15, the bar's own Fab Five strutted their stuff in a special Employee Edition of the weekly Best Package Contest. Hosted by Sherrie “Cherry-Pickin Man” Van Crawford, the packed house was more animated than ever, everyone hoping to see their favorite Cobalt pimp pumped on the stage stump. Bartender Mike, the Food & Wine Guy, showed the audience the finer art of pouring a carton of milk over his chiseled body. It does a body good, apparently, because he won the contest -- but with just the slimmest of milk moustaches over bartender Nate the Fitness Guy, who was ripped to shreds. Cobalt's manager, Ashley, held court as Culture Guy for the night, demonstrating the art of slithering like Britney to “Slave 4 U” while in black fishnet squarecut boxerbriefs. Oh, the things Hearsay sees!…


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