Hearsay


Published on September 12, 2002, 12:00am | Comments

Hearsay goes jeans crazy at U-Gear's Fashion Show…
Mayor Williams goes triangle crazy on 17th…
The newest crowns in town…


See more of MW's Exclusive Online Photos from Universal Gear's Denim Fashion Show.

Denim Talk got quite a rise out of Hearsay last Saturday, September 7, at Universal Gear's blue jeans fashion show, held at Velvet “Military Maneuvers” Nation. Hearsay got lost in the numbers as Trevor “Timberlake” Blackwood spoke of 9, 10, 12 and 13 inches from the crotch, until Hearsay realized he wasn't talking about the personal attributes of the beefy models -- though from what we were able to see, those models had the kind of inches Supersize Rulers only dream about. Blackwood, buyer for Universal Gear's ever-expanding empire (Washington, New York, Chicago, Atlanta, South Dakota, Anchorage, and a small, well-appointed hut on the Fiji Islands), worked with UG's marketing director, Ricardo “Rivet Me” Zapata, on the evening's show. The expeditious fifteen-minute set (because you can't interrupt a dancing queen's dancing for too long lest they turn irritable and petulant) starred seven studs strutting their stuff, surrounded by screaming fans and snapping paparazzi. Hearsay nearly added a new finish to its G-Star Streaky Jeans when model Lou grabbed model Anthony from behind and proceeded to rip his shirt off. Mark and Alan followed by simulating the start of a cockfight, circling each other in a hyper-masculine way. Sadly, no cocks were produced. All the onstage antics left Hearsay panting for a breather backstage, where things were even more surreal. “Watch where you put your jeans,” came the command from the night's de-facto high-school gym teacher, as the boys changed in and out and out and in. Brian “Hot Rocks” Petro had the honor of branding the boys' backsides while Warren “High on Energie” Channell got to be the boys' cummerbunded escort to the stage. Hot-bod and pretty-face model Mike, seen hypnotizingly gyrating and belly-dancing in an Italian-flag G-string after the show, flopped around backstage in tightie-whitey 2(x)ist boxer briefs for no apparent reason. He was soon joined by Tom “Levi Strauss” Gaynor, Universal Gear's leading model of the moment, in even tighter, whiter, square-cut underwear. The mostly gay crowd was every bit as hot as the mostly straight models, and certainly more randy -- a good proportion of the dancing queens had already gotten the Universal Gear memo and were wearing designer denims riding just above “see level.” DJ Manny Lehman provided the night's beats, while Aubrey gave her usual spirited performance, throwing herself to the floor at one point and losing her jewels in the audience. Hopefully Lloyds of London will pony up for Aubrey's reported claim of $10 trillion or the equivalent of the National Debt, whichever's higher at the moment. All worked up by a late night of denim debauchery, Hearsay decided to stop by Universal Gear the next day and try on a few jeans for fun and profit (Universal Gear's, certainly not Hearsay's). The overeager sales clerk (think of a Yorkshire Terrier on a Red Bull overload) enthusiastically explained the art to wearing this must-have fashion. “Youwanttowearjeansonesizelargerthanyounormallywouldsoyoucanpushthemdownprettylow,” he helpfully yipped, his words merging into one. Prithee, why? “Theextraroominthewaistandlegsinviteshandstoroamdownthere.” Hearsay needed more convincing, and with that led the hapless and adorable clerk by the dog collar to the changing rooms for a hands-on demonstration. Woof, woof…

Hearsay extends congratulations (but no money and no sexual favors to) Barbara Herr for winning First Runner Up at the recent Miss Continental Pageant held in Chicago. Barbara was sent there courtesy Chaos, which runs the Miss First Lady DC Continental, an official preliminary to the event. Carlos Aguilar and Meni Peri, the men behind the local prelim, promise an even better pageant this May. Meanwhile, over on the Southeast side of town, the lovely Diana “Bustin' Out” Bastillo took the Miss Ardiente crown at Sheridan's, but rumor has it she won't be performing until she resolves something about a jacket and a sticky-fingered dresser with the club's owner, Steve “Tony Soprano” Sabatini

Was that Mayor Anthony “It's Okay if You Spell it Wrong, just don't call me Chad” Williams stumping for the gay vote on 17th Street last Saturday night? Indeed it was, slapping adhesive-backed pink triangles on anyone who came within a foot of his honor's campaigning presence…


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