Truly Yours

Can't climax during sex? Unattractive on the inside? Gay senior housing?

By Lena Lett
Published on April 29, 2004, 12:00am | Comments

Truly Yours by Lena Lett

Dear Lena,

I am a 32-year-old gay male. I have rarely experienced an orgasm during sex. I can get an erection and generally maintain it during sex regardless of position. I can even have an orgasm if my partner isn't around. I have had a few instances where it was much easier to have an orgasm with a stranger, when I was the bottom, in not so perfect of circumstances (i.e., a bathhouse). Many of my committed partners have complained. Some have said I jack off to much and that causes my problem. Facts to consider include: I have never had sex with a women because I do not doubt my homosexuality. I don't recall ever being sexually abused, although I was abused physically and mentally due, in part, to my sexuality. On a few occasions I have had a feeling of “lockup” as if the semen went into the bladder. Ninety-five percent of the time I never reach climax. I suffer from depression but do not take any meds. Is my situation unique? Should I worry? Should I do something about it?

-- Possibly Worried One

In order to give you the best possible advise I consulted with my crack team of physicians, Dr. Timothy Price and Dr.  Thomas Qualey. As you know, due to years of hard living I am being held together by strings, paperclips, and good old MAC eyeliner. The doctors and I agree that you should first visit with a urologist in order to rule out any sort of physical problem. It seems from your description that the problem rests in the area of intimacy, which makes it an issue for you to address with a psychologist. I do not think you should worry. Yes, you should do something about it because it has caused issues in the past and I am sure it will cause issues in the future. Plus, you deserve to live the fullest possible life, and this is a stumbling block to that. No need to worry, seek the counsel of professionals, and build a better you. You may contact Dr. Price and Dr. Qualey directly ( or e-mail me and I will refer you the information you need.

Dear Lena,

I am a 72-year-old gay man living near Palm Springs, Calif. I have fallen in love with a 48-year-old man living near Harrisonburg, Va., and he is in love with me. I am in the process of selling my house so I can move to Virginia to be closer to my lover. I need a small cottage in or around Harrisonburg. Being so far away from that area I do not know from whom to get some help as I don't want to bother my friend with all this stuff. I would like to know if there is any Senior Housing there that I could rent as I have a wonderful 3-year-old Standard Poodle named Buddy. Please help.

--Please Help

Short of following an Ensure delivery truck around Virginia I have not a clue. I do think, however, that if you are willing to sell all that you have and move to another state with your dog in tow, asking the man you love for some help finding housing is a small request to make. You must be happy in your space to make yourself a happy life, so do not be afraid to ask your partner for his input and assistance.

Dear Lena,

I've been seeing lots of guys for a while now, but most of them never last more than two or four weeks. I can never seem to go the next step with anyone. I know I look good. I'm not exactly Adonis, but my build comes close. Guys are always clamoring to at least get my phone number, but then they quickly lose interest. I could never figure out then why guys didn't want anything more with me.

Recently, however, I've discovered the problem. They say you shouldn't focus on what people look like, but on who they are inside. Apparently, Lena, guys don't like what they see. After compiling some info from past dates, it seems that guys are turned off by my supposed "immaturity" and my conversation ability. Granted, I'm still young at 21, but I have my own place, work and go to school, and take care of myself. My friends tell me that most guys I meet feel it's almost love at first sight...until I open my mouth. Do all conversations have to be intelligent? Can't men just joke around? What more do men want from a guy? Aren't the daily trips to the gym enough? Now they want me to change who I am?

--Mr. Lacks Personality

Honey, never -- and I repeat never -- change who you are. Not all conversations have to be intelligent, however it seems to me that this is becoming a problem for you. You don't have to change who you are, but you can look at some ways to expand your range of conversation. Do not change who you are but perhaps you should expand your range of conversation -- it's always a plus to be able to talk about a number of topics, whether your own pursuits, current events, or other common interests. Remember that silence can be golden. Take the time to hear what the other person is interested in and find similarities to talk about from that. If you are looking for

someone to date you will want to be able to carry on a conversation with him about anything. If they are unhappy with what they see, then you just haven't shown them the whole picture. You are young with lots of life experience. Convert that experience into enjoyable conversation and there will be no holding you back.

Truly Yours,


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