I feel I've screwed up big time. I've been seeing a guy for several months, rather seriously. We've had some good times together, and I really like him. The problem is I haven't been very truthful, which is so out of character for me. The big issue is I'm married and I've totally omitted that detail from our conversations. I usually tell guys first thing, but before I knew it, we were going out, etc. I never dreamed I would like him this much and we would still be going out and having so much fun. My gay dating experiences have always sucked. I think he would be very upset and hurt if I told him now. Any advice? Should I air my dirty laundry? I'm desperate for some input.
-- Jerry Springer's Next Guest
It's "so out of character" for you to be untruthful? Can we get an opinion from your wife on that? Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship, yet you've failed to use it in either your marriage or your gay fling. Reality check, buster: if you continue to see this guy without telling him you're married, he will find out eventually -- probably sooner than later -- and it won't be pretty. Do something right for once and let him hear the truth from you. If he has a lick of sense, he'll run like hell in the opposite direction without looking back. Or maybe he'll stick around if you're prepared to do the decent thing -- come clean to your wife about your infidelity and your sexuality. Then again, maybe he's into being "the other woman" if you're not about to fess up to the missus, in which case I'd say you're both creeps who deserve each other.
I love your column. Maybe you can help me with my problem. Two years ago I used to be very wild and fun, yet remained safe enough. I was 18, good-looking and had enough friends. Then I met this guy who is now my boyfriend for almost two years. I gave up my social life and my craziness to be committed. And honestly, I was in love and didn't mind at all. It felt like it was what I had always really wanted. But recently we moved to D.C. and I've come to a point where I don't want to sit around anymore. I've been going out a lot, always without my boyfriend because he doesn't like to go out. And I like this arrangement. But now I'm feeling very confused. I still love my boyfriend, but I don't feel like we are connecting anymore. We've always been very different, but for the first time, I'm beginning to see it as a problem. I like to go out with my friends and I think it is driving us apart. My mind is so confused, I'm wondering if it is just that I've fallen out of love, or simply just looking for something different. How can I make my boyfriend understand what I am going through?
-- Really "Living Out Loud"
Be confused no more! Remember Miss Lena's three Cs of relationships: Communication, Communication and Communication. Tell your boyfriend how you're feeling. One should never have to give up who they are when entering a relationship, but instead learn to intermingle their gifts and desires with those of a new mate. You're young, and young people like to go out. That's perfectly understandable, and your mate should be willing to compromise some on that point. If, however, there are other issues and you feel it is over, put an end to it. Is the fat lady singing? It makes no sense to stay in a relationship once it's kaput.
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