Truly Yours

Legal prof out of my league? Am I a virgin or not? Has Salma Hayek made me bi?

by Lena Lett
Published on January 30, 2003, 12:00am | Comments

Truly Yours by Lena Lett

Dear Lena,

I'm a manager at a suburban Starbucks coffee shop. It's a job I've done efficiently and effectively for close to five years now. Recently I met this guy who is sort of a big shot lawyer at a prestigious Capitol Hill law firm. We hit it off, until he found out what I do for a living and decided he was looking for someone more “professional.” I say I've been doing my job just as “professionally” as he does his. Other than that little elitist tic he's got, he's a great guy who I enjoy being with. How can I convince him that what I do is respectable? Or should I just accept that we're in two different leagues and move on?

-- Average Joe

Stop thinking like him. There are no leagues. If your job pays the bills and provides you with the lifestyle you have grown accustomed to, then it is not his concern. Falling in love must be with you -- not the clothes you wear, the car you drive, or the job you hold. Trust me, I know lots of out-of-work attorneys who are waiting tables. Just do what makes you happy -- life is too short for labels.

Dear Lena,

I'm totally confused about my virginity. I'm a 19-year-old male with lots of straight friends, and only a tiny amount of gay ones. I recently had my first boyfriend, but our relationship ended quite abruptly a week after I slept with him. Not wanting to delve too much into that, we only slept together once, and when we did, there wasn't any...well, penetration.

     Anyway, I talked with my friends, and mentioned that at least I was still a virgin. Half my straight friends (and all my gay ones) agreed that I was, and the other half said I wasn't. Some say I'm not simply because I got naked with another guy, others say I have to penetrate or be penetrated. It's just hard to define virginity when you're a male. With girls, they just break, but with guys, it's strictly speculation. Anyway, what's your opinion? Will I be wearing white for my wedding day, or have I polluted my fountain of purity forever?

-- Purely Confused

Honey, stop being so hung up on labels. Until you have experienced love, not simply sex, you are still a virgin. Sex becomes this great obstacle in our community. Being in love with someone is far more important than having your ass plowed. Well, usually. I am sure that by the time your wedding day rolls around, you'll know in your heart what color your outfit needs to be.

Dear Lena,

My friends and I have an ongoing discussion, and we need your opinion. Which lady has been more influential to gay culture: Deborah Harry, Courtney Love or Britney Spears?

-- D.C. Diva Lovers

None of those bitches are ladies. Ladies are people who have shaped our community by embracing it -- like Bette, Martha Wash, Cher, etc. And women who had courage to reach out when it was not popular -- Tallulah Bankhead, Bea Arthur, Princess Di, Mother Theresa. Those are ladies. Don't get me wrong, I, too, find myself chanting, "Oops, I Did It Again," without realizing it. But I don't think Miss Thing with her trick pelvis will prove to have a lasting impact on my culture.

Dear Lena,

I am a proud gay man who's been out since I was 17 (I'm 24 now). Over the years, I've had gay male friends, who, though they adamantly express their homo nature, frequently discuss their attraction to women. I always felt this was some bi-bullshit until I saw the movie Frida, and now I can't stop having sex dreams about Salma Hayek (or the real-life Frida Kahlo for that matter)! Is this kind of reaction to extraordinarily beautiful women normal for gay men or am I merely a closet fence-sitter?  Help!

-- Pangs of Lust

Movies are to entertain and inspire. However, I'm not thinking that the inspiration you have can be attributed to a movie. I've never had a dream about having sex with a woman after seeing a movie. Open wounds and things -- yuk! (And unibrows? Forget it.) But you may wish to experience all that the sexuality smorgasbord has to offer, so I say have it. The rule of life is this: You and only you will know what makes you happy. Find it and enjoy it!

Truly Yours,


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