Hearsay

Lizard Lounge, Cobalt, and Ziegfeld's

By Metro Weekly Contributor on February 25, 2004

It’s a Beachy Keen night at Lizard Lounge…
Cobalt’s second anniversary lights up 17th…
Dazzled by drag at Ziegfeld’s…

Before Hearsay could have one last gasp of Sex and The City last Sunday night, it slithered over to Lizard Lounge, where it partook in an annual pre-Rehoboth ritual known as Sand-Sifting for Roommates. Because Hearsay’s usually too busy watching others go through the motions of sex in the city, Hearsay hadn’t had the chance to go through the motions of getting a house for sex on the beach. Putting Hearsay in a decided minority during all three hours (what is this, Les Miserables?) of the annual Rehoboth Beach House Rush & Reunion Marathon. You see, those hawking beach houses for rent or share (identified with blue name stickers, usually with their beach abode’s address) far outnumbered those little chickadees seeking beach abodes (identified by red tags). Politically speaking, having far more blue gays than red is expected, but Chazz "Kandy" Korn said it was the first time in his many years of attending the rush that beach house-holders outnumbered beach house-seekers. The reason: Rehoboth’s hot, hot, HOT real-estate market, where many gay Washingtonians bought secondary property in the past year, in part due to Washington’s own overheated market. The result: "It’s like being a top with a ten-inch-dick in a gay bar, where everybody’s after you," said a positively gleeful house seeker, clearly not accustomed to the dynamic. So it was a buyer’s market, like being a Big Fish (or a Big Fag) in a little pond (or in a little Jacuzzi). But whom to sugar shack up with? Well, Scott "Everything’s Coming Up" Bloom‘s house actually has a Jacuzzi and a prime location just stumbling blocks from the venerable Cloud 9. Speaking of stumbling, Kevin "Hawaiian Shirts Are Back In Fashion" Morris gave a disquisition on just how long it would take Hearsay to get home from the bars from his Rehoboth beach berth, depending on whether Hearsay took a direct route (10 minutes, give or take), passed out in the gutter on the way home (30 minutes, maybe longer), or tricked with a boy in another house (anywhere from eleven and a half minutes to 72 hours, depending on the quality of the boy). Only later did Hearsay read the fine print about Morris’s house rules regarding tricks: "Get ready for huge amounts of humiliation and ridicule once the guy is gone!" Charming. What a supportive group. Marc "Hold the Pickles" Yesberger and Steve "Capture the Flag" Leraris definitely had the best house guidelines: "Wear only small swimsuits and never last year’s model," "Shower alone only when absolutely necessary," and "You may have as many guests stay in your room as required for a standard porn film." Hearsay likes Marc and Steve. Kevin "Grand Old Prognosticator" Ivers and Meyer "Emco" Persow exhibited more photos of their property than anyone else present, and of course they did. Their pool, surrounded by greenery and chaise-lounge chairs, must be the perfect spot for a frolicking sunning party, with a large DOUBLE-headed outdoor shower in a rock garden that must be the perfect spot for an Herbal Essence orgasm, especially if the hunky boys come with it. But Mario "Soya Fabulosa"Â Acosta-Belez had the best classified notice about his "tastefully decorated by marvelous landlords" house, with its "beautiful earthen ceramic tile floor" and "large bright bedroom with private Evita balcony." Hearsay bets Acosta-Belez has lip-synched from that perch, maybe a little Peronista serenade to hottie housemate Ruben "Prime Argentina Beef" Yano, who also happens to be a Cobalt bartender. And speaking of CobaltÂ…

Hearsay had Rosie "Taboo Busting" O’Donnell on the brain last Friday night, and it wanted O’Donnell in the liver, too. Who knew Cobalt’s 30 Degrees Lounge had a cocktail named for la Tulip? Bartender Nick "Old Reliable Cock Tale Shaker" Thompson knew it, naturally, though he admits he hasn’t tried the flavored vodka times two plus CrÃ¨me de Cacao concoction. "I stick to beer," he said. In fact, no one behind the bar had tried Rosie’s rose-colored water, so Hearsay opted for its usual CrÃ¨me and Scream drink from Thompson, whose — wouldn’t you know it? — "milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." Grinned Thompson, "I’ve never had any complaints." Hearsay bets he hasn’t. But is it better than Ashley "Apple Brown Betty" Wright‘s milkshake cocktail? Hearsay thinks perhaps not. Friday night Ash, as he’s known to his close personal associates, was floating around the bar, without the fire body paint that burned up the already scorching bartenders. That night’s Fire Party — followed the next night by an Ice Party — was in honor of the club’s second anniversary since reopeningÂ… well, two years ago. All hail to Eric "The Donald of 17th Street" Little, who brought the club to its current glorious, must-be-seen-at-with-absolute-regularity state. And, incidentally, did you see the new Blue Dancers? There was David and Bobby, the twink could-be twins who filled the white-cloth columns surrounding Cobalt’s stage at one point. What a fabulous performance.

Rosie was nowhere in sight at Cobalt Friday night, but another famous lesbian was — famous in this political town at least. Chrissy "Push My Belly Button and My Hair Grows" Gephardt radiated as much modest Midwestern optimism as one would expect from Big Dick’s daughter. She was at Cobalt with a gaggle of her girls, all seeming to have a good time with the predominantly boy crowd, many of whom were taken to whispering and pointing as she walked by. "Isn’t thatÂ…?" "Isn’t sheÂ…?" "Do you think she’d sign my penile cast?" Robert "Capital Pride’s Birthday Boy" York was whispering about his past weekend in New York, hanging out with Carson "Can You Believe I’m the Fashion Guy Wearing This Loud Shirt?" Kressley and Kyan "ShhhÂ…That’s Not My Real First Name" Douglas of the Queer Fab Five. Yes, York’s always thinking and scheming for Pride, and he’s set to make this year — his fifth at the post — the queerest and best yet. Some people were already on their walking way by the time Rachel "Penne" Panay sang her affirming new club tune, "The Walk of Shame." By that point, both Matthew "Film Fanatic" Cibellis and Steve "I Look More Like Bruce Willis than Tom" Sellick had already bid adieu to the blue space. But Daimeon "All I’m Missing Is U" Pilcher was there till nearly the endÂ…

On Saturday, Hearsay wobbled into Ziegfeld‘s, where it was dazzled — and it means ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY DAZZLED — by a bevy of powerhouse performances, particularly from the queen impersonating Cher and the one impersonating Celine Dion (sorry, Hearsay can’t keep track of names when it’s had more than one Cherry-Vanilla Cosmo). One name Hearsay never forgets is that of Ziegfeld’s legend Ella Fitzgerald, who remains one of the best showgirls in town and is without question the funniest, most outlandish hostess of any drag show on the East Coast, and perhaps, the West Coast as well.

Ella brought the house down with her one-and-only "Show me your Pussy" routine, even though her hand-picked audience member refused to show anything more than her panties. Hearsay was going to barge onto the stage and ask Ella to show us her pussy as well, before suddenly remembering that Ella’s got a Mister down under. It’s so exquisitely well-tucked, thoughÂ…

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Hearsay

Cobalt's 2nd Anniversary, Scarlet's Bake Sale, VelvetNation and more club news

By Metro Weekly Contributor on February 18, 2004

Cobalt gets ready for a big second anniversary bashÂ…
VelvetNation takes a walk on the raw and uncut sideÂ…
Scarlet’s Bake Sale raises $7,500Â…

Hearsay doesn’t go out all that often, so when it does the occasion has got to be special. Like, say, for Robert "4-ever Young" York‘s thirty-fifth 35th birthday (yes, Hearsay knows — it’s amazing how well-preserved that Director of Capital Pride is. York attributes his eternally youthful countenance to a special, self-invented "Botox, Mormon-Milled Oatmeal, and Muskrat Semen Facial Shake," an ingestible concoction he’s hoping to market through TLA Releasing’s new "Scratch ‘n Sniff Skin Products Line"). Sadly, Robert’s birthday isn’t until this coming weekend, and Hearsay had to go out prior to this weekend to get a column turned in, so Hearsay will simply wish Robert a happy 70th and ask you all to do the same, should you run into him out and aboutÂ…

Speaking of birthdays and anniversaries, this weekend marks the second year since Cobalt reopened under new management — and the club has been doing gangbusters as of late, regularly packing in the hottest, prettiest and trendiest guys on the north side of 17th Street. A few weeks ago, Hearsay stopped in and asked bartender Nate "Fab Abs" Miller to serve up a stiff one. Nate complied. Hearsay then asked Nate if it could strum "Turkey in the Straw" on his washboard stomach, Hearsay being the champion of the 1999 Southern Tennessee Washboard Musical Competition and Toe Picking Festival (Hearsay won that year with a sprightly medley of Olivia Newton John hits). Nate declined, citing excessive soreness from one too many situps. So Hearsay took to a corner and watched the boys flit by. Dan "Not a Nader" Rader flitted by in a bat of an eyelash — admittedly a long, luxurious eyelash — and Eric "I Have a Thing for Telephone Poles" Muhl flitted by as if dreaming of boys’ crotches (last Hearsay saw of him, he was sniffing a couple). David "Flick of the Dick" Clark flitted by as if dreaming of a Log Cabin White House. And Ronald "The Big" Binkowski flitted by as if in a wet dream. Ain’t that always the way. Hearsay was back at Cobalt the following weekend — on Friday the 13th no less — grooving to the always groovable hard, progressive sounds of Victor "Hooked on Phonics" Martinez, one of the club’s select resident DJs. On that night, Hearsay managed to sip the martini of a young man with erect nipples and a pierced — well, you really don’t need to know, but Hearsay will note that it’s the first time it’s encountered a piercing on that part of the body. This coming weekend, Cobalt is celebrating its anniversary with not one, but TWO nights of festivities. The first, Fire, will set the club alight on Friday, February 20th, and will offer up the extraordinary sounds of guest DJ Angelo "The Wrath of" Kortez and a special live appearance by recording artist Rachel Panay, who will perform her new club smash hit “The Walk of Shame," which, incidentally, Hearsay has embarked on more than 10,482.45 in its decade-long life. (The .45, in case you’re wondering, signifies for the time Hearsay passed out in the gutter, not quite completing the entire walk.) On Saturday, February 21st, Cobalt will present the Ice portion of its celebration, with music from gifted resident DJ Jason "Retronomics" Royce. Hearsay wishes all the management and staffers at the Big Beautiful Blue Club on R & 17th a very happy and festive weekend…

Speaking of blue, Hearsay saw colors a few weekends ago — lots o’ colors on the dance floor of VelvetNation, as it attended the club’s Raw & Uncut extravaganza. Hearsay foundÂ itself immersed in a veritable feast for the senses, with candles lining the stairs and all around the main room’s dance floor. Too bad Hearsay couldn’t take in the view from its favorite perch on the roped-off second floor balcony. But Hearsay snuck into the DJ booth, where the tag-team of DJs Yiannis and Guido stripped down to bare elements. The songs, not each other. Unfortunately, that’s all the raw and uncut Hearsay saw — or heard — all evening. But maybe J.T. "I Make Boys Cry" Powell had better luck. Powell could steam-cook anything raw with just one glance from his baby blues. Hearsay bets he’s got the power to cut wood too, but would he? Come to think of it, how much would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Hearsay would like an answer to this perplexing riddle . Anywho, Powell’s boyfriend Shane "If J.T. and I Made a Baby She Just Might Look Like Melanie" Griffith seemed especially happy to be here, but not as happy as Robert "Am I Joking or Am I Serious?" Coggins. No one could be happier than Coggins. It’s against the law. Hearsay continued down its happy trail until something unusual our way came. Who is that? Could it be? Yes, indeed, it was former Velvet performance artist extraordinaire Aubrey. Aubrey? What brings that seductive performance minx down from the Big Tired Metropolis up north? "I’m just here visiting friends this weekend," Aubrey sniffed, followed by a sneeze. Hearsay hears Aubrey’s got something up her sleeve. A rose? A water bottle? A poodle? A box of Kleenex?Â…

Hearsay wants to send out another Happy Birthday greeting to Martin "Aging in Reverse" Moeller, who refuses to divulge his true age, but Hearsay reckons to be somewhere between 20 and 100. Hearsay is fairly certain Martin is younger than Madonna but older than Britney. And Hearsay hears he has a nipple shield that rivals Janet‘s. A group of Moeller’s friends, and his long-long-long-long-LONG-time companion Steve "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" Dickens, celebrated at the perfect-dinner-spot-for-large-weekend-night-parties: Odeon Restaurant, where the pasta doesn’t stick to the roof of your mouthÂ…

And finally, some short bits. What’s all this buzz-buzz about Echo, a new forthcoming retro night? Hearsay has yet to learn of the location, but it’s eagerly looking forward to hearing what the evening has to offer its retro-hungry earsÂ… Is Club Ten really re-opening as the legendary The Pier? That’s the rumor. But Hearsay was unable to get confirmation at press timeÂ… Can the crowd at Sunday Mass get any more massive (or more adorable)? Find out this Sunday morning as Mass flings open its doors at the usual 6 a.m. worshipping timeÂ… And finally, Scarlet’s 33rd Annual Cake Sale and Auction, held this year at Titan, raised $7,500 for Pediatric AIDS of Washington, D.C., thanks to a robust crowd of three hundred who bid on more than forty entries from regional clubs, commercial establishments and individuals. This year’s winners went to the Centaur MC, Hamburger Mary’s, Virginia Leatherboy 2003 Tim "Timber" Woody, and SigMa. Hearsay was happy to see its old friend Ed "Kick Me" Moore return as the event’s fearless auctioneer and gives a special nod to Neil "Studmuffin" Alexander, who has fearlessly helped organized this event for several years nowÂ…

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Hearsay

Superbowl Sunday at Green Lantern and Titan

By Metro Weekly Contributor on February 4, 2004

Superbowl Sunday is a good reason to get good and drunk …
What’s a goal line when there are breasts to be bared? …
Collectively kicking the habit at the Lantern …

Hearsay could have stayed at home and watched the Super Bowl on its brand new multi-billion dollar home theater, complete with a 900-inch flat screen TV, stadium-style seats that recline and a theater concession stand, staffed just for the Boob Bowl occasion by a shirtless "football player" who stirs cocktails with a rather formidable swizzle stick. But Hearsay gave the Tight End the night off and, instead, made its intrepid way out into the bars, to see for itself just how many gay boys are really interested in football. Hearsay first wondered, what’s the difference between a wide receiver and a tight end? Could it be two drinks? Or maybe 12 men and 12 inches? Nevermind. Green Lantern was certainly testosterone-driven on Superbowl Sunday, what with the Potomac MC hosting a Beer Bar upstairs. Actually, the Lantern was the best place for diehard football fans who really wanted to hear the CBS machine drone on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about the game. Bartenders Lou "Black Haus" Persic and Jason "Raspberry Twist" Watson poured the stiff drinks that kept the distracted crowd stiff. They went wild exactly once while Hearsay was there: when the Pepsi commercial featuring the real bear disguised as a bearish man aired. It was Bear’s Night Out at the bar, after all. Surely the crowd was animated as the night wore on, when the Patriotic Panthers (that’s the team that won, right?) scored some points or whatever you call those things in rugby. You see, Green Lantern was giving out prizes every time the Panther Patties scored. That is, unless you rooted for the other team, the Tea Partiers or whatever their name was, in which case you didn’t. But then you would have won more in the end since the — egad, Hearsay’s gotten lost in the deep end zone. Let’s just drop the ball for a second to catch our breath. Okay, where were we? Fellas, take your position!

Oh yes, Hearsay was braving the bitter cold, passing the ball up 14th Street to take in the second quarter at Titan. Hearsay was happy to see a merry band of Misfit Mary’s packed in like it was Radiant Beams Stadium in front of the old-school flat-screen TV that owner Glenn "Rosy Cheeks" Mlaker had bought for the occasion. This merry band of misfit Mary’s were certainly the merriest of the night — those big $12 pitchers of beer did the trick, and the ability to order food from Hamburger Mary‘s was another draw. Of course, it was hard to make your way to the mobbed bar. It was mobbed. The Titan Mary’s were also the most into the game, with what Hearsay detected was a strong preference for the Carolina Kitties. They were yelling at the screen and shouting over the cheers of the opposing team’s fans whenever something happened on the field. It was so loud at times that honest-to-goodness football fan Lenny "Doctor’s Orders" Kaufman was heading home so he could actually hear the game. Hearsay didn’t need to hear the game, but like Jon "Happy Home Maker" Rowley did want to get drinks a little faster — you gotta be a lush to do this job, Bob! So Hearsay was off to another bar populated by a different breed of footballers: these were a Mary band of misfit merries, if you will. The boys at JR.’s, like Keith "I’ve Got A Powerful Horse Outside" Petrack and Mark "What Are You Afraid Of?" Morgan, weren’t really into the game. "I guess the game’s over," Petrack said, when he noticed the screens showing videos to match the music. Yes, the smattering of cheers minutes before signaled that, dearie. Paul "Look at My Thumb" Greeno just may have been the biggest honest-to-goodness football fan in the place. But everyone got into it when Janet "Miss Jackson If You’re Nasty" Jackson stole the show, with assist — or maybe desist — from Justin "Cry Me A River" Timberlake. "Was that Janet’s breast?" PJ "Right About Now" Studevent asked Hearsay, but dammit we were nursing our Bud Light at the time, so we missed it. Though we’ve since seen it now, over and over and over and over and over and over and over againÂ…

If you wander into the Green Lantern and notice the air a little less smokey, don’t worry, you can still puff away on your Marlboro Ultra-Uber Lights, if you’d like. But be forewarned: you might get a dressing down from seven staffers who collectively quit smoking Saturday, February 1st — after one last, prolonged gasp when they finished off their packs after closing and cleanup. And they are serious: each one of them has to contribute $10 every week for the next three months, whether they stay smoke-free or not. Come May 1st, those who remain smoke-free will celebrate together by spending the kitty on a nice meal — a really, really nice meal, since we’re talking more than $800 here. If they all get to smokin’ again, well, Phillip Morris will be a happy fat cat. All of the kitty will then go toward packs of cigs, owner Greg "Fire Breathing Drag-on Lady" Zehnacker explained. Zehnacker, a smoker for over 20 years now, is taking the challenge, along with Jason " Puff" Horswill, Jason "I’m Allergic to the Patch" Watson, James "Butts" Steele, Jeff "Ash" Wessler, Rob "Nic-Fit" Matthews and Mikel "Inhale" Montel. "There are side bets that I’ll be the first to cave in, but I’m not gonna let ’em win that," Zehnacker told Hearsay. The boys have created a list with everyone’s phone number, so they theoretically could call one another for support in the middle of the night. Doesn’t sound like a great idea. But anyway, how ’bout a little support for the troops? Well Hearsay’s brand of it anyway: If you catch one of the seven dwarfs — and they might all be Grumpy in this version of the cartoon — puffin’ on a stick, drop us a note at hearsay@metroweekly.com, and we’ll investigate. Let’s help them kick the sticksÂ…