Truly Yours
Boyfriend cheating via Instant Messenger? Need lessons in lesbian flirting?
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Dear Lena,
I am an 18-year-old living in southern California and I am very interested in girls, but I have never been with one. I don’t want to label myself as anything, but I don’t have any interest in guys at all. What does that make me? And how do I find a girl? I really want to experience being with another girl but I can’t seem to find any. I guess you can say that I’m kind of shy, but I don’t know how to overcome that. I’ve also noticed that if there is somebody that I am not interested in at all I tend to flirt with them, but I don’t flirt with the people that I am actually attracted to. What’s wrong with me?!
–Lost and Confused
Honey, I suspect that you flirt with people you are not interested in because in your mind you know that because you’re not interested they are safe. You are unable to flirt with people you are interested in due to fear of how they may react. That is a game for the young and you should break free of it. No one enjoys having their emotions played with. You ask what is wrong with you: Well, the answer is that you’re human. The only way you can overcome being shy is by being happy and having confidence in yourself.
You are 18-years-old, living in California, and you cannot find a lesbian anywhere? I have been to California and there are lesbians everywhere. I thought I was at a LPGA tour or basketball conference. Avail yourself of the many places that lesbians congregate. If you do the things you enjoy, my guess is that there will be others just like you doing the same thing.
Dear Lena,
I have found my boyfriend sending pictures of himself to and receiving naked body shots from other dudes, asking them things like, "Where are you at?" He is going to work and cheating on me — the reason I know this is because he left his e-mail open. So, technically I snooped but what I found is this shit going on. When I confronted him about it, he won’t say anything except telling me he doesn’t need anyone else but me. But then he sits online chatting away with sluts on AIM at work — all day! He disappears from the office and then tells me he’s going to lunch…
for two or three hours. When I call him at work, he tells me he’s too busy to talk and then I see him online chatting away. How do I confront him — being mindful of my own snooping — and what should I say?
–A True Husband
Honey, in your mind he is cheating. You have the proof, although you gathered it in a covert way. But you need to take a look at the bigger picture here, which is that you don’t trust him. At this point, he could tell you the sky is blue and you’d question it. And who could blame you? No relationship works without trust. We as humans all lie at times, but continual dishonesty is a behavior that no relationship can survive. If you believe that confronting him will resolve some issues for you then do it. My guess is that no matter what he says you’re not going to believe it. You have to ask yourself, "What I am willing to tolerate? Am I willing to reward his bad behavior?" It seems that you both have these little CIA-style undercover games going on in your relationship, and that takes a lot of work to maintain. The guilt you feel for snooping is legitimate, you should not have done that. But you did, so say you’re sorry and move on. Stop all the games. Bring some honesty to the table and go from there.
Truly Yours,
Lena
Lena’s here to help. Send your questions to lena@metroweekly.com or fill out her handy webform at www.metroweekly.com.
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