Horoscope
April 26-May 2, 2007
Heavenly Round-Up: What’s done is done. You can’t change the past, even with full-bore whining, sulking and tantrums. Remember that passive-aggressive behaviors are equally ineffective remaking our personal histories. Face your choices and resources with open-minded clarity to get more from this cycle’s challenges. Ask how you want to move forward instead of brooding over your present position. Good conduct now incites better options down the road. Keep your chin up and ask a weirdo for directions.
Aries: It could be another case of mind over matter. You like reading the situation that way. But what if it’s a case of discretion versus valor? How will you rise to the occasion? You’re hot to keep this secret, but the joy and the terror of it are leaking out at the edges. Re-caulk.
Taurus: It’s a long and winding road, but you’re good for the distance as long as you can set your own pace. Reject pressure. Accept assistance. Look to an unexpected quarter for the best sartorial advice. (Grandma? Polka-dots?) That random memory lapse serves a purpose.
Gemini: Lookee! You’re walking the talk! And you’re doing it on a tight-rope with tigers below you and flaming swords whirling in a precision drill to either side. Rescue may come in the form of a daring trapeze maneuver. Stay poised to reposition dramatically on or about Saturday.
Cancer: Is it a decision or a force of nature? You’re not a victim in your own life story: you’re the protagonist. Therefore there’s something of use and value for you in this compromise. Only patience and forbearance will put you in the zone to decode the meaning.
Leo: Upheaval has been the name of the game for so long that you’re beginning to feel like a permanent refugee. Take a deep breath. At the eye of the storm, there’s a calm that passes understanding — and it can fill you with the necessary resolution to get from here to there.
Virgo: There are voices from nature whispering in your ear with every little breeze and every curtain of rain. You’re tempted to run away and eat locusts in the wilderness as going crazy is only a short trip from here. Hang tough — the cavalry are just over the hill and riding hard.
Libra: Shout your troubles in the mountains and in the forests. You, who are usually so calm and sharing and kind, have a beef with the whole, wide world. Let it all out. You’ll be ready to face the situation with equanimity if you can just let off some steam.
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Scorpio: Visualize the future perfect. With every wrong turn and senseless delay, you’ve been preparing yourself for the next step at the exact right moment. The time is at hand and you seem to be doing your best impersonation of a jellyfish. Grow a new spine and go forth.
Sagittarius: Are you ready to watch your world change beyond reckoning? Are you ready to make a new start inside and out? Are you bored to death with every other possible option? No one accused you of having too much focus. Check your parachute carefully before jumping.
Capricorn: You fell in with a good time and lost track of your serious motivation temporarily. Check the umbrella stand and the lost-and-found box. You’ll get your lack of groove back, if that’s what you’d really prefer. Or, you could just cut loose, break the rules and succeed, too.
Aquarius: Is your life on a Möbius-strip track: tantalizingly in full view of how the other half lives, yet without access to those better things? Is it a trick of perception? Over the rise, you should have a long view that could change you profoundly. Remember to look carefully.
Pisces: It’s not the size of the boat; it’s the motion of the ocean. Or so you may wish to remind yourself when an ”inadequate” vehicle comes into your life to bear you away to your next great adventure. Give up one of your standing obsessions to make room for new feelings.
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Horoscope
April 19-25, 2007
Heavenly Round-Up: You’ve shifted pointless boulders uphill long enough, Sisyphus. With that immense obstacle out of your line of vision, you may be surprised to see where your toils have brought you. The work has been harder, and less rewarding, than you could possibly have imagined when you started. But now you’re in great shape for the legitimate trials and heroic tasks coming your way. Let inspiration be followed by practical application and you’ll get more for your efforts.
Aries: This could be the easiest major step you’ve ever taken. In a sense, you’ve been practicing for years and now you’re ready for the big time. Don’t forget to thank all the little people who’ve been a part of your team through the hungry years. Buy low on Monday.
Taurus: Would you, could you, in a box? You may not have a choice, since the walls have been closing in lately. Is it a choice you really need? Or would you do better with more efficient deployment of your current resources with access to reserves as necessary? Save.
Gemini: It might not be all beer and Skittles, but things haven’t been going too badly for you lately. You can see the upside of every cloud, and you’re making silver linings out of sow’s ears as fast as you can keep the bobbin loaded. Try to slow the pace and enjoy the scenery.
Cancer: It might be a learning experience, but you’re not sure what you’re supposed to have learned. Don’t give your whole-hearted approval? Don’t allow yourself to trust fully? Nah. It’s that one about, ”If at first you don’t succeed.” Wash in the moonlight to restore innocence.
Leo: Let the sun shine in, because it’s finally come out for you in all its seasonal glory. Revel in the changes and the burgeoning options. Watch your dull winter’s labors flourish and reward your patience and generosity. Your smile is an umbrella big enough for you to share.
Virgo: If you can catch the flow of the times, you’ll be surfing across the cycle in winning style. Let your intuition inform your experience, and you’ll get farther with less effort than you’d assessed initially. Call for reinforcements Friday, and you’ll have a miracle by Monday.
Libra: It’s tempting to blame others. It’s not unreasonable to want to share the blame, since you had to share the glory earlier. But let others find their own come-to-Jesus moment. You can’t hurry the workings of the ethical conscience or the moral soul. Lighten up with balloons.
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Scorpio: Is that the future rushing to meet you better than halfway? You couldn’t have been very careful at your prayers—they’ve been answered manifold. Shower the excess of the largess of the universe on those around you. Having cast your bread, unload other carbs too.
Sagittarius: It’s a veritable funhouse of chaos and adventure. You weren’t expecting this much color to attend your fairly mundane comings and goings, but you’ve got a kind of magnetic aura about you and others just can’t resist enriching and enlivening your shtick.
Capricorn: You want to wake up and find your dreams are true and the nightmares vanished. Could you work at lucid dreaming, giving yourself gentle guidance as the unlikely unfolds endlessly before your disbelieving eyes? Practice impossible things. Solve the imponderable.
Aquarius: You feel the bonds of your oppression snapping almost audibly. You feel the fine strength of spring coursing in your veins. You feel the urge to wonder what would be best for you in the next seven-year cycle of your being. Ready for something completely different?
Pisces: It would be small of you to start fussing at the process at this late date. It would be mean of you to observe the better methodology with all the data just collected. If you want to make a difference, speak up early and take action often. Hold onto your opinion Sunday.
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Horoscope
April 12-18, 2007
Heavenly Round-Up: You’ve established and fostered that which mattered. Now you’re harvesting the fruits of your labors. Will it be bitter or sweet? Plentiful or sparse? You could learn a lot from assessing where you’ve been and what you’ve done. And when you’ve completed your personal inventory, move on and move forward. Shut the book on the past once you’ve balanced your accounts. Then the seeds of your future can take root in your experience.
Aries: Let it go, in good faith and with your whole heart. You can’t compete with your own past and future simultaneously and expect to come out for the good. What you can do is make your valiant choices and live in the light you create from your own innovations. Ask.
Taurus: What do you do for others that you’re not so good about doing for yourself? It’s payback time, and you owe yourself a fair helping of compassion, understanding and old fashioned hard work. Put your back into it; things are in better shape than you realize.
Gemini: You should stroll around the block a few times and take the air. You’ve been a little agoraphobic lately, and hiding indoors is no cure for spring fever. Scratch where it itches, roll in the sunshine and give yourself a colorful treat. Chat with an Aries to find out what’s next.
Cancer: Look on the bright side, it’s over at last. No matter how much you miss the comfort of all that structure, you’ve been liberated and must make your own choices and follow your own directives for the present. There’s a clue at home in a dry place by the front door. Look.
Leo: Time has told, and you’ll be the hero of your next adventure, no question. But you’ll have to assemble your forces, and a map leading to the treasure, and a helpful animal to keep you on the right path. Once you’ve got a little nosh for the road, you’re good to go.
Virgo: It’s hard to be the one who calls a shovel a shovel and rats out the secret of the emperor’s new birthday suit. But you won’t shrink from your duties, and you’ll take some satisfaction from a job well and honestly completed. Relax over the weekend with a dance.
Libra: Take the initiative and run with it. Otherwise, they’ll all sit around processing and nit picking ’til doomsday. Never mind that you’re usually the one dragging behind and calling for consensus. There’s a call to action, and you can hear it like tintinitis. Ring up an old friend.
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Scorpio: If it’s a dance with the devil, which of you is which? Consider the situation from the other guy’s point of view and you could get most of the way to solving your dilemma without any further effort. Let righteous indignation walk, you need to have room for forbearance.
Sagittarius: You’re dizzy with the possibilities — or are you just dizzy? It’s a bit of both. Leave yourself room to daydream and time to miss your stop. Cancel dry occasions and settle for being the life of the party wherever you do end up. Send out for world peace and Chinese.
Capricorn: Sympathy goes farther when it’s sincere. If you don’t really mean it, keep your lips shut and move on quickly. You can always make excuses later — if anyone notices your latest strategy. Swim upstream a little ways and you’ll have a nice, quiet pool to yourself. Circulate.
Aquarius: You remember what it was like in school when they introduced a new concept. Well, get ready for some weird sideways stuff that will add up to the foundations of your next big life lesson. It won’t be all nose-to-the-grindstone: there’s a romantic component midweek.
Pisces: If you look to the breezes and the sunbeams to show you the way, you’ll find that you have your sights set on a panorama you’d never dreamed existed so close to where you are this minute. Give your attention to nature — all those worldly issues will resolve themselves.
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Horoscope
April 5-11, 2007
Heavenly Round-Up: It’s been a long, slow climb up the steep, steep hill. Now you can see a clear path down that slippery slope before you. Will you slide down at top speed, coasting on your prior efforts? Will you walk intentionally, the same way you got there? Will you leap into the abyss of becoming forthwith? There are no set answers, only infinite potentials. It’s your turn to choose the path you’ll take home. Call your mother.
Aries: Is that the wind howling, or is it your soul in its self-made oppression? Is that your stomach growling, or could that be your conscience in revolt? It’s still not too late to shift your trajectory. Evaluate your options and embrace serendipity for maximum satisfaction.
Taurus: Persistence is your hallmark. Faithfulness is your natural gift. Yet you’re neither blind nor wholly refractory to learning. If there’s no point in going forward as planned, you’ll want to be open to finding an alternative. If your loyalty leaves you fruitless and unsatisfied, leave.
Gemini: Shakespeare called it ”contumely.” We know it as ”bad spin.” If you’re not managing your image, you may want to reconsider. Let the outer form reflect the inner truth. You have nothing to hide that you couldn’t be induced to share to your own greater benefit. Go wide.
Cancer: You’ve been nesting something. Is it almost ready to hatch? Are you feeling the love? Prepare to get out of the dormant stage and into an active one. Your seasonal wings are sprouting with a vengeance. It’s time to do what needs to be done in your inimitable way.
Leo: Positioned as you are, you can’t help squinting into the sun or the lurking suspicion of that shadow over your shoulder. Relax, those tired old feedback loops — playing since you first recorded your family of origin — can’t even begin to sum up the total of your current condition.
Virgo: Here you are, stuck in the middle again. But is it a bad thing to have that mediating position? You’re trusted on all sides. You’re informed to the top of your bent. You’re able to form proactively responsive strategies to developing situations without being overwhelmed.
Libra: All of the great outdoors wouldn’t be enough to contain the maelstroms of change through which you’re currently finding your soul strained. Give yourself liberty to take a break from evolving at breakneck speed. Darwin has a word for those who can’t unwind: unfit.
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Scorpio: Peace in your time; peace without an ironic edge or a taint of bitter resignation. Can you go wholeheartedly into the present bearing this incomparable talisman against the rough and challenging times ahead? Get up a little earlier to breathe, chant or visualize the way.
Sagittarius: If you still don’t know what you want, and you still haven’t found what you’re looking for, then you may need to reframe more dramatically, more profoundly, and more all-encompassingly when you reconsider your options. Go to the mats to make it truly awesome.
Capricorn: Are you rolling away the stones? What might you uncover within? There’s mythic and historical precedence in play for the almost-tangible anticipation as your enthusiastic fans gear up for your next feat of discovery and revelation. Speak in tongues for clarity Saturday.
Aquarius: Play ’em where they lie and you won’t have to say anything but the truth. Let your delight in perfection take backseat to your fascination with the beta releases of all the world’s innovations. If there’s a universe in a grain of sand, what could you find in a dust bunny?
Pisces: Look, don’t touch. This is a good time to keep your hands to yourself unless you’re convinced that you’re comfortable playing for keeps. Skip your best judgment and go straight for your gut reaction if you really want to know what the right thing to do might be on Friday.
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These are challenging times for news organizations. And yet it’s crucial we stay active and provide vital resources and information to both our local readers and the world. So won’t you please take a moment and consider supporting Metro Weekly with a membership? For as little as $5 a month, you can help ensure Metro Weekly magazine and MetroWeekly.com remain free, viable resources as we provide the best, most diverse, culturally-resonant LGBTQ coverage in both the D.C. region and around the world. Memberships come with exclusive perks and discounts, your own personal digital delivery of each week’s magazine (and an archive), access to our Member's Lounge when it launches this fall, and exclusive members-only items like Metro Weekly Membership Mugs and Tote Bags! Check out all our membership levels here and please join us today!
