Horoscope
May 24-30, 2012
Heavenly Round-Up: Sometimes, reality just bites. Even so, there’s more than one silver lining still on the racks — but you’ll have to fight the crowds to get your piece of happily-ever-after out of this one. So the old obstacle takes on new life; yet you’ll be moving forward instead of hanging fire. Old complaints present you with new alternatives; are you person enough to make the right choice? Cherished dreams smack into the limitations of physical manifestation; but there’s a lot to be salvaged from the ready wreckage.
Aries: You’re the tops. You’re the big banana. Just watch out for someone bigger waiting to peel you. No matter how right you are, how just your position, how innovative your goals, there’s a big wet blanket out there with your name on it. Stay cool under there!
Taurus: It won’t be fun, but it will be over. It won’t be easy, but it will get done. It won’t be what you wanted, but it will work just fine. Scale your expectations back, up your productivity through increased focus. And ignore the whiny, gloomy naysayers. They don’t know.
Gemini: You’ll go farther and get more done if you can just let go of your ideals and reset your trajectory for reduced expectations. You may even find you like your results better than if you’d gotten what you thought you really wanted. Be brave on Saturday night.
Cancer: You’re a walking-talking encyclopedia of information about a broad range of topics. Can you find the data you need in your stores to see you through the vicissitudes of this next cycle? You can if you gird up your loins and forget about the plu-perfect!
Leo: It might not be what you want, but there’s a lot for you to work with all the same. Bring your talent for re-framing to the table, and you may be surprised at your options and possible outcomes. Stay upbeat on Friday, though this may involve a good nap.
Virgo: You’re on a roll. Ugh! There’s mayonnaise on it, too! Take a deep breath. That was a dream. You’re not going to be eaten by your own life, but you do have to step up and reset your boundaries to account for your necessities and priorities. You have the chops.
Libra: Don’t go down those stairs in the dark when you hear that ”funny” noise. You know the rules, and you don’t want to be the crew member in the red shirt on the landing party, either. Make yourself a principal player and you’ll avoid being dispensable.
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CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PISCES ARIES TAURUS GEMINI |
CANCER LEO VIRGO LIBRA SCORPIO SAGITTARIUS |
Scorpio: Is this what you wanted? Really? You cut your nose off in order to be fitted with a silver one like Tycho Brahe? I don’t believe that story, and neither will anyone else. Cut out the behavior leading you down this indefensible garden path. Win on Tuesday.
Sagittarius: You would if you could, but you’re not sure you can. Therefore, you’re choosing to say that you can’t preemptively. Is that your wisest course? Is it time to cut and run? Or would you do better to take your lumps and get on with being the best ever?
Capricorn: You fell for the joke. You were taken by buzz. You got hosed, pranked and generally rolled. Fine. Now you’re back on your feet and ready to make your next steps towards resetting your relationship with reality to incorporate your recent lessons.
Aquarius: It’s not all bad. That would be too easy. It’s not the end of the world, either. It’s the beginning of a new long cycle, and you should begin as you mean to go on. Cease whining. No one promised you the best of all possible worlds, but you could make one.
Pisces: The course of true devotion never did run smooth. And there are still more philosophies out there than you’ve ever dreamed. Don’t go all jaded on your choices. Don’t diminish your contributions. Don’t give up. Pick yourself up and try, try again on Sunday morning.
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Horoscope
May 17-23, 2012
Heavenly Round-Up: Unexpected material comes bubbling up from the depths, like a swamp. And the release of all that pent-up matter comes as a huge relief, like popping a pimple. Are you ready to suffer the ignominy of the gross in order to reap the benefits of the aftermath? I should mention, you can run, though you can’t really hide, from the forces of the universe. Better to accept than to complain about the state of things. Find the diamond ring in the manure pile. Wash well afterward.
Aries: You don’t mind the suddenness. You’re rather intrigued than off-put by the spectacular dissonance developing around you in the workplace. The key here is to stick it out until the dust has settled. You will be amply rewarded if you can just be patient. Work out.
Taurus: You weren’t anticipating an ethical smackdown, but that’s what it amounts to. Will you defend your position to the death? Will you let the forces of compromise wear you down like a pebble on the beach pounded by surf? Is there a middle path? Consider.
Gemini: Does it strike like lightning? Does it come like the creeping dawn? Does it overwhelm like an earthquake? Does it roll like waves on the high seas? There’s a change coming. It will make everything different. Are you ready to move on your objective?
Cancer: You are what you eat. What have you been eating lately? Now would be a good time to reach out to friends whose health routines you admire. Pick their brains to find a strategy for putting yourself into optimal condition. Keep your goals in mind on Sunday.
Leo: It’s not as far from here to there as you might imagine. Part of the distance is entirely an emotional construct. Part of the distance is wholly illusory, based on your depth of knowledge in this corner of the possible world. Think way outside the box for results.
Virgo: You’re the best and the brightest of your kind. You’re the one who gets things done. You’re on top of your game, and you can prove it. Now it’s time to work on your interpersonal skills. Now it’s time to make a shift in your approach to core duties and key outcomes.
Libra: If you were any sharper, you’d cut yourself. As it is, you’re tormenting yourself with so many vectors of potentiality you’re beginning to lose precious sleep. Narrow your focus. Eliminate impossibilities. Make the most of your hyper-acuity. Trust intuition on Friday.
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CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PISCES ARIES TAURUS GEMINI |
CANCER LEO VIRGO LIBRA SCORPIO SAGITTARIUS |
Scorpio: If it were merely destiny, you’d be feeling that distinct push from the great hand of fate. As it is, you have choices and options and a lot of reality to shovel through in order to get where you’re going. It’s not so much about the direction as about a course of action.
Sagittarius: You would if you could, but you’re not sure you can. Is it time to call in the cavalry? Is it time to surrender and tuck your tail between your legs? Is it time to pull yourself off the linear continuum of either/or and get to a point of functional synthesis? Oh yeah!
Capricorn: You’re not at fault, but you were with it when the whole darned thing went down in flames. If you’re subjected to scapegoating, that’s your cue to cut and run. Alternatively, you could lawyer up and make your innocence a matter of record and income alike.
Aquarius: Patience usually serves you well, indeed. This time around, you’ll be called to action and before you’re fully ready to take those necessary steps. Manage stress with exercise, rest and plenty of supplementation. You won’t regret the extra care.
Pisces: You’re ready to learn. You’re ready to change. You’re ready for whatever comes down the pike. Or so you deeply feel. However, there are still more things in heaven and earth than your philosophies have dreamt of. Batten down the hatches and enjoy the extremes.
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These are challenging times for news organizations. And yet it’s crucial we stay active and provide vital resources and information to both our local readers and the world. So won’t you please take a moment and consider supporting Metro Weekly with a membership? For as little as $5 a month, you can help ensure Metro Weekly magazine and MetroWeekly.com remain free, viable resources as we provide the best, most diverse, culturally-resonant LGBTQ coverage in both the D.C. region and around the world. Memberships come with exclusive perks and discounts, your own personal digital delivery of each week’s magazine (and an archive), access to our Member's Lounge when it launches this fall, and exclusive members-only items like Metro Weekly Membership Mugs and Tote Bags! Check out all our membership levels here and please join us today!
Horoscope
May 10-16, 2012
Heavenly Round Up: What will the wind bring back to you after you blow the dandelion fluff away? What will the tide wash up on the shore after you toss in that message in a bottle? Simple, inconsequential acts bear surprising fruit, in unusual colors and flavors. Frivolous undertakings become watershed moments in the epicycle of life. Will you find profound meaning in that fortune cookie saying? Will you redraw your life’s philosophy based on your reaction to an ad slogan on the side of a passing bus? It could happen.
Aries: You’re picking up steam. You’re headed for unknown territory and new experiences. You have some old business on your plate to clear down before you head off for the distant horizon. Don’t forget to pack a few essentials—and make sure your phone is fully charged.
Taurus: You could be a contender. Nope, you are a contender. You’re ready to go, and you’ve got the training and will power to prove it. What will bring you more into line with your field of competition? Research your options, consider your alternatives. Make it so.
Gemini: You’re between the horns of dilemma. You’re wedged in between a rock and a hard place. You’re kind of liking how contained and secure you feel—except of course for the pressure of having to choose and release the other side of the question. Use Sunday.
Cancer: It’s not the beginning of the end. It’s the end of the beginning. You can cut yourself off from your past, or wall it up in the nacre of memory; but the facts of the matter will remain constant, no matter how far in the past it may be. Face your reality with chocolate.
Leo: You fell for the cosmic irony. You tripped on the sacred banana peel. You were conned by the Ineffable. And there you are: where you never wanted to be making choices you don’t like. What if you reframe, find the good and rediscover your sense of humor? Try early.
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CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PISCES ARIES TAURUS GEMINI |
CANCER LEO VIRGO LIBRA SCORPIO SAGITTARIUS |
Virgo: Up the road and down the road, you find you can travel this part of your life path with your eyes closed. The view is better if you choose to keep them open, but then you might be distracted from your focus by the new and unexpected, and delightfully desirable.
Libra: You’ve been thinking a lot. You’ve been chasing your own mental tail, like a kitten in a frenzy. You’ve been on the fence a long time. Now might be the time to review your long process. Look for flaws in your reasoning. Look for collateral information.
Scorpio: Your lack of delight may transform into a lack of cohesive wellness. Is that your desired outcome? Would you rather be sick than productive? Would you rather be depressed than responsible? You have so many choices. Some of them you’ll even like.
Sagittarius: Destiny is out pranking the susceptible again. Will you get taken? Will you hose the hoser? Will you punk the one who would see you punk’d? You’ve got the chops, and you’ll get the props, if you turn this one around before it goes any further. Wear stripes.
Capricorn: Once upon a time you knew what you had to do and how. Now you shake your head in dismay. Don’t let the confusion of the present moment overwhelm your capacity to adjust and move forward. You have the structure in place to make the most of opportunity.
Aquarius: You’re on the cutting edge and many people are waiting to see what your position is before committing to their own stance. Are you ready for that much leadership responsibility? Are you ready to make the scene as a king-maker? Call early on Friday.
Pisces: You would if you could, but you can’t see around the mountain of obstruction. What if you shift your perspective? Either look within to find a different point of view, or change your physical location to offer you a fresh vantage point. Ask a helpful Taurus.
Support Metro Weekly’s Journalism
These are challenging times for news organizations. And yet it’s crucial we stay active and provide vital resources and information to both our local readers and the world. So won’t you please take a moment and consider supporting Metro Weekly with a membership? For as little as $5 a month, you can help ensure Metro Weekly magazine and MetroWeekly.com remain free, viable resources as we provide the best, most diverse, culturally-resonant LGBTQ coverage in both the D.C. region and around the world. Memberships come with exclusive perks and discounts, your own personal digital delivery of each week’s magazine (and an archive), access to our Member's Lounge when it launches this fall, and exclusive members-only items like Metro Weekly Membership Mugs and Tote Bags! Check out all our membership levels here and please join us today!
