Kink 101

Scene 5: Watersports

Person of interest: David Gerard

How did you get started? “When I first came out, I wanted to try everything to see what I liked. That was one of the things I tried.”

What attracts you to it? “If you love a man’s penis, why not all of a man’s penis? A penis is more than just for penetration.”

How it works: “There are a lot of ways. The easiest thing to do is be a watersports top first, because the act of getting pissed on is a bigger leap than pissing on someone or into their mouth. And you don’t have to confine yourself to the bathtub, because that’s not always fun, but rubber sheets and a rubber play mat will work very nicely.”

What clubs are available for those interested in exploring the scene? “There really aren’t any clubs around in D.C., though you can find watersports parties. They all vary. There can be as many as 200 people at a party in New York, for example, or it could just be two guys getting together at someone’s house to play. Pretty much any kink is difficult to find among vanilla guys at a vanilla bar. But there are some guys who are very open about their kinks. Other times, they’re not, because some of the vanilla guys can be judgmental.

“You can always go online to Manhunt or Recon and check the box for ‘watersports.’ Sometimes, when one goes to a leather bar, one may find a sub boy chained to a urinal, who says, ‘Please, sir, don’t waste that.’ And it’s okay to pee on the boy. At an event like MAL, you’ll see people wearing a yellow hanky on their right. It’s okay to go up and talk to him and ask him about the scene.”

Biggest misconception? “That it’s really smelly, or that you can get an STI from it. It’s actually very clean. You’re not going to be repulsed by the smell. There’s no risk of physical injury. It’s probably one of the safest kinks there is, besides getting a handjob. It’s easy, doesn’t cost anything, and requires no preparation, whereas even regular anal sex requires extensive preparation. It’s one of the easiest, safest kinks there is, which is why it’s a lot more common than some BDSM activities.”

Scene 6: Spanking/Flogging

Person of interest: Jackie Thompson

How did you get started? “It honestly started with rodeo. I went to a party for women and trans folk, and I was good with a rope and lasso, so that brought an interesting kink to things. But this one night at Tracks, I was with friends and we met this guy who wanted to be humiliated by a woman or group of women. So I tried it, and it was like a duck to water. It was natural. It was fun.”

What attracts you to it? “I guess I’m a unique person. I’m an equal opportunity top.”

How does it work? “Leather’s about sex. The way it smells, the way it feels. BDSM has parts of that. But there’s also a mental part to it, that’s 24 hours a day for some. There are roles, like ladies, subs, doms. There are verbal and nonverbal cues to stop or go, based on how far you want to go, and how far you can go. What I will typically ask is questions like, ‘Do you have any shoulder problems?’ That helps me in terms of planning what they’re going to do. If they can’t stand, I have to take that into account. I need to think about their physical limitations, and ask them, ‘Have you done this before?’ If they don’t know the answer to that question, then you have to teach them that.”

What clubs are available for those interested in exploring the scene: “There’s the leather community, the BDSM community. It’s all about finding a group that works for you.”

Scene 7: BDSM/Dom-sub role play

Person of interest: Chaz

How did you get started? “I got into it by chance. I was meeting people online, and I hooked up with a kinky bottom, who suggested bondage. And we did it, we had a great time. And it just seemed to spark an interest in me, and I just kept pursuing it. And I’ve now been in it about 15 years. And I’ve met a lot of great people along the way. I don’t play a lot because I’m old-fashioned — I’m relationship-oriented and monogamous-bound.”

What attracts you to it? “As a dominant, it is definitely the power exchange. It’s definitely the trust. There’s an erotic element to it that really powers it. If I’m playing with a submissive, and I know he’s getting really turned on by what we’re doing, it fuels me even more.”

How does it work? “We really focus on negotiation. You basically talk about what you want to do while you’re in a scene, prior to playing, so both parties know exactly what’s going to happen and what’s expected. And then during the scene you don’t break negotiation — meaning you don’t add something to it that wasn’t previously agreed upon. And the third step is ‘after-care,’ which is bringing that person back down from his erotic and sensual experience. Your endorphins and all the other chemicals in your brain get supercharged. And ‘after-care’ is where we talk about what worked for you, what didn’t work for you, and what could happen to make the next time better.”

What clubs are available for those interested in exploring the scene? “SigMa is a really active, all-male BDSM organization. We teach safety protocols. We provide support when people need to talk. SigMa specifically works with Dominants/submissives. We don’t really put labels on people other than that. There’s another group called Leather and Kink United, which is relatively new, but they’re preparing to do workshops, education, outreach and support. And it incorporates everybody — straight/gay and however you identify yourself.

What we’re trying to, essentially, is to provide accurate information, have support groups that people can go to and talk about the things that are going on in their life. And just make friendships, because kink, although it’s very popular, is not widely accepted. We’re trying to create an environment where people feel safe to explore this, without any kind of backlash from friends or family.”

Biggest misconception? “I think there are two big misconceptions. One, that most people who are into kink have psychological issues. A lot of people just see it as a bad thing. If it’s done under the right conditions, it’s a very good thing. It does a lot of positive things for you.

“It’s sort of like how it was years ago, when people thought that homosexuality was a psychological issue. And a lot of people’s perception is that being kinky or having a fetish is bad — there’s something wrong with you. And that’s not the case. Society decides what is normal, what is sane — and it just doesn’t fit the reality of it. I know many, many people who are into kink, and they are the most together people I’ve met because they know themselves.

“The second is that what everybody reads online is true. There’s a lot of inaccuracies in the information that’s out there on BDSM/kink. If you research the role of a dominant, you’ll get many, many articles and testimonies of what is a good dominant and what is a good submissive, and there are a lot of inconsistencies and inaccuracies. It’s basically one person’s fantasy of what a dominant is, or specifically what their needs for a dominant is.”

Photography by Todd Franson