My Husband’s Not Gay (Review)

Have you ever watched a truly terrible farce? One where the script makes no sense, and the actors delivering their lines are dead behind the eyes as they try their best to recite the material, hoping to convince the audience? Don’t fret if you haven’t, because that very same experience can be had while watching TLC’s new one-hour special, My Husband’s Not Gay.

The special, which centers on couples in Salt Lake City, has created controversy before it even airs. As the title suggests, it documents the lives of three Mormon couples where the wives aren’t the only ones who are attracted to men. TLC’s decision to air it has provoked a rather ferocious reaction. GLAAD’s president and CEO Sarah Kate Ellis issued a statement calling the special “downright irresponsible,” adding “no one can change who they love, and, more importantly, no one should have to. By investing in this dangerous programming, TLC is putting countless young LGBT people in harm’s way.”

Indeed, there is even a Change.org petition to have TLC cancel the show, currently scheduled for January 11 at 10/9c, though with this much free publicity it’s doubtful they’ll do so. Josh Sanders, who penned the petition, condemned the show for promoting “the false and dangerous idea that gay people can and should choose to be straight in order to be part of their faith communities.” He added that, “TLC is presenting victims’ lives as entertainment, while sending the message that…you should reject your sexual orientation by marrying someone of the opposite sex.”

Strong words, indeed, though I have to ask whether GLAAD’s members or Sanders have actually watched My Husband’s Not Gay. I have, thanks to a working cut sent by TLC, and I have to say that the show manages to discredit everything said by the men it follows because it’s all utterly ludicrous.

First, we’re introduced to each of the couples. Jeff and Tanya are happily married, living in a nice house in Salt Lake City. Jeff, who seems a little camp, professes his love for his wife, and she returns the favor. Everything is lovely. Until Jeff drops the bombshell. “I experience SSA, or same sex attraction,” he says. Cut to Tanya, who quickly reassures the audience (and herself), “Not gay, SSA.” Clearly we need further reassurance, so Tanya dutifully provides it: “It’s somebody that is attracted to the same sex, but wants to be in a heterosexual relationship.”

Not gay, you say? Okay, we’ll play ball, Jeff and Tanya. Cut to them walking through the suburbs with their dog, a picturesque couple. “Who will I notice first? A beautiful man walking down the street or a beautiful woman?” Jeff asks, to no one in particular. Cue a shirtless, muscled man, who jogs past them. Jeff, like a caricature from a bad sitcom, looks over his sunglasses as the man passes by. “I’ll notice the beautiful man. Nine times out of ten.” Yeah, we kind of figured that for ourselves, Jeff.

Couple number two are Pret and Megan, married eight years. His eyebrows are shaped more fiercely than hers, but we’re not supposed to notice that. Megan tells us about how they met at age 15. “I was always interested in him, but the feelings weren’t reciprocal… For obvious reasons.” Could that be because he’s gay, Megan? Was it obvious to you, too? Perhaps Pret can straighten things out for us.

“Growing up, I thought for a long time that I was gay. I thought that these feelings defined me,” he says. “I didn’t think I was gonna be able to get married and have children and live the life that I’m now living. I feel like I’m the winner of life’s lottery. Have you seen her?” We have, Pret, and while Megan’s lovely, we’re pretty sure she’s not your type. This is perhaps confirmed by Megan, who acknowledges that there have been periods in their marriage where she “knew that the attraction wasn’t there.” Don’t worry, though, because they’ve apparently moved beyond it.

Our third couple are Tera and Curtis, married for 20 years, which is impressive in today’s divorce-prone society. Tera wastes no time getting to the point. “Curtis came to me one morning and told me that he had same sex attraction,” she states. It’s hard not to feel a little bad for Curtis. He, more than the others, feels like someone who married and then realized he had feelings for men.

“I really had not talked to anyone before in my life about it,” Curtis says. “I’d been building to that point and got up one morning and I knew it was time.” Before we start to worry, Tera steps in to reassure us that her husband is totally not gay. “I didn’t think that he was gay at that point because he told me that he wasn’t.” Makes perfect sense. For those not entirely clear, though, could you expand, Tera? “He explained to me the difference at that time between having these feelings and not wanting to act on them.”

No, we’re still not clear. Producers, step in and get to the bottom of this mess. Is Curtis bisexual? Does he identify with that word? “I don’t necessarily. And if you look at most of the studies that have been done about sexuality, they’ll show you that sexuality is fluid. It changes,” he tells the off-screen producer. So far so good. Curtis is making a lot of sense. “But ultimately, when it comes to our faith and our belief, what matters is how we act.”

Never mind.

Really, not making sense is at the heart of My Husband’s Not Gay. Both the men and the women are desperate to reassure us that they love one another and are perfectly happy. “None of us feel oppressed. We’ve chosen to be here,” Tanya states. That’s great, but then Tera stumbles in and announces that Curtis is her “girlfriend and [her] husband.” Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? Indeed, on a hiking trip the wives take, Tanya’s friend asks what we’ve all been thinking. “So, are they gay or not?” Tanya’s not impressed. Her stern glare is our cue to this fact. “I get a little defensive when somebody calls my husband gay,” she says. Perhaps because the truth hurts, Tanya?

The men themselves are ridiculous. TLC stages a basketball game — naturally, the not gay husbands pick shirts and tell their opponents to be skins, because what could be less gay than playing against sweaty, half-naked men? Cut to Pret and Jeff eyeing up the talent. “When I’m out with the guys, we’ll look at other guys,” Pret tells us. Indeed, they even use a Danger Scale to mark their attraction to other men, which ranges from noticing and looking to “requiring restraint.” When Jeff later tries to convince the audience that women can be on the Danger Scale, Tanya remarks that she’s never heard him mention women in that context. Ouch, Jeff. Shot down by your own wife.

It’s all the more insane when big, burly, basketball-loving Tom enters the fray. Tom also experiences SSA, and in a support group sequence tells the others that it’s caused a lot of troubles for him. When the other guys take him shopping (because of course they do), he remarks that for a long time he felt cursed. Still, rather than explore his feelings, he’d prefer to marry a woman and have children, as the Mormon Church requires. They even set him up on a blind date with a lovely woman named Emily. Like a horror movie, we want to tell her to run, screaming, and leave Tom and the other couples who set them up. But no. She gets sucked in, and states she’d like to go on another date with him. Poor Emily.

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However, there is certainly some danger in My Husband’s Not Gay. Struggling youth could watch it and think that repressing homosexuality or bisexuality is healthy and safe given these men seem to have happy marriages with women. However, it mostly collapses when the men are allowed to voice their opinions. “If it was accepted to be a homosexual in the church, would I be gay?” Pret asks. “Maybe 8 or 9 years ago…. The answer would be yes.”

Even sassy Jeff, who loves to stare at men, isn’t immune to his needs. When he announces to Tanya that he’s going on a camping trip, she’s notably concerned. “Anything could happen,” she tells us. Why so nervous, though? It’s not as if her wonderful, not gay husband would ever do anything, right?

“There was this one time, a couple of guys slept over at my house,” Jeff tells us, looking a little too happy at the memory. “And let’s just say things got a little out of control.”

So did this one-hour special, TLC, which is more farce than documentary, more ridiculous than reality. But worthy of GLAAD’s anger and a petition to have it cancelled? Hardly. Jeff and his SSA cohorts are victims of a religion that mandates heterosexuality above all else. Don’t victimize TLC for airing this garbage — instead, get angry at the reason these men feel the need to get married and suppress their true feelings in the first place.

My Husband’s Not Gay () premieres Sunday, Jan. 11, at 10 p.m. on TLC. Visit tlc.com.

Image Credits: TLC

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