Coverboy: Adam

When Adam worked at Walt Disney World, he was a “friend” of Eeyore’s — code for having portrayed the character in the theme park. (He was also friends with the Tweedles, but the 30-year-old fails to clarify whether he was closer to Dee or to Dum.) “Some people were like, ‘Don’t be so sad, Eeyore,'” he remembers. “One time, these college frat guys just ran up to Eeyore and gave him a big hug.” He laughs. “Those guys were way too excited.”

Adam lives in Virginia with his (fellow Disneyphile) fiance (who proposed during Disney’s nightly fireworks extravaganza), and works as a massage therapist at Lifetime Fitness in Reston. Only once during his tenure has a client asked for a massage in what Adam calls the “Adam and Eve” areas. “I said, ‘I’m going to have to ask you to leave. This is not that kind of place.'”

A native of Cincinnati, Adam sometimes misses the city’s iconic handcrafted ice cream, Graeter’s. “Especially the Buckeye Blitz,” he sighs. “It’s chocolate and peanut butter ice cream, with balls of peanut butter wrapped in chocolate, and giant chocolate chips. I call it the perfect break up ice cream.”

What’s on your nightstand?
A ring holder, the book I’m reading, and lube.

What’s the ring?
Engagement and wedding ring — it’s platinum with five diamonds. The ring holder is a little statue of a dog with its nose pointed up. I don’t like to wear my ring when I sleep, because I’m afraid I will flinch in my sleep and hit my hand on the headboard, and either scratch the headboard or damage the ring.

Are you a night owl or an early riser?
Early riser. I can get up as early as six, and as soon as I have my coffee, I’m good to go.

What’s the last thing you bought?
Three pairs of underwear from aussieBum.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Flight. Because then I wouldn’t have to drive in D.C.

What are you currently binge watching?
Game of Thrones. Sansa Stark and Jon Snow are my heroes.

What was the last movie you saw?
Finding Dory. I thought it was really good, but overall, I think Finding Nemo was better.

Who was your first celebrity crush?
Lance Bass. I was a big NSYNC fan as a teenager. There was always something about him that attracted me to him.

Who’s your favorite Disney character?
Elsa, from Frozen, because she broke free of what she thought everyone expected of her. She decided to shape her own destiny with the help of her sister. To me, that makes her not only a great queen, but a great character to live by.

Name three musical artists you’re currently listening to.
Michael Buble, Britney Spears, and Celine Dion.

What would be your Disney song?
“Go the Distance” from Hercules. The best things in life are the hardest things to reach, but going step by step will get you there faster than not even trying.

What are your three favorite night spots?
JR.’s, Cobalt and Town.

What’s your drink of choice?
If I could get it all the time, the Glowtini from Disney. It’s blue Curacao, vodka, and peach schnapps with a crystallized sugar rim and glowing ice cube.

Glowing ice cube? Made out of what?
Plastic. It just looks like an ice cube. There’s a button on the bottom that turns it on or off. And it can change colors.

And you kept it, right?
Yeah, I kept it. I have several. I use them as funky night lights.

Pick three people, living or dead, you’d like to have Glowtini’s with.
Carol Burnett, because she is one of the funniest actresses I’ve ever known, Rue McClanahan, one of my idols, and who wouldn’t want to share a drink with Hillary Clinton?

What’s your pet peeve?
When I tell somebody something and then 20 seconds later, they have no memory of what I just said and I have to repeat myself. Repeating myself to someone moments later makes me feel like I wasn’t even heard.

What’s your pet peeve? Just kidding! What’s your favorite food?
Scrambled eggs. I don’t add milk or butter. I just beat them with a fork in a bowl, and then pour them in and let them sizzle.

What animal would you be?
A panther. They’re one of the biggest cats. They like to prowl at night and can use the darkness to their advantage, so they can sneak around without being seen.

Boxers, briefs, or other?
Other. I prefer jock straps.

Grindr, Scruff, or in person?
Scruff. It’s how I met my fiancee.

Awww. Did you woof each other?
That’s how it started, and we had these very PG-rated conversations. Then we met for dates and everything went from there.

So it wasn’t about the instant unlocking of pictures.
No! I don’t even have nudes on my profile. I think that’s just slimy. It’s not my personality just to show everything right away.

What’s your biggest turn on?
Confidence.

Biggest turn off?
Arrogance.

Describe your dream guy.
Courteous, strong-willed, but also caring and willing to admit he’s wrong.

Define good in bed.
Keeps going even after the climax.

What’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex? Please don’t say Cinderella’s castle.
God, no! How dirty do you think I am?

So, the most unusual place you’ve had sex….
I’m thinking. I’m thinking. With a fellow student in a music teacher’s office. It was high school. I had to keep my mouth covered.

What’s the most memorable pick up line you’ve ever heard?
“You’re a dirty boy, aren’t you?”

What’s your favorite make-out music?
Umbrella by Rihanna.

What’s your dream vacation?
A cruise in the Mediterranean to see Santorini, Athens, Italy, and even Egypt.

That’s better than just saying Disney World.
I will forever love Disney, but I do like to see other parts of the world.

Apple or Android?
Apple.

Marvel or DC?
Marvel.

Star Trek or Star Wars?
Star Wars.

Beyonce or Lady Gaga?
Lady Gaga.

Finding Nemo or Pinocchio?
Finding Nemo.

Salad or big mac?
Salad.

Butter or margarine?
Butter.

Salt or pepper?
Pepper.

Hot dogs or burgers?
Burgers.

Sausage or bacon?
Bacon.

Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck?
Donald Duck.

Donald Duck or Goofy?
Goofy.

Goofy or Pluto?
Goofy.

Goofy or Eeyore?
Goofy. I love Eeyore but…

You seem to really love Goofy.
Because with Goofy you never really know what’s going to happen. Whether he wrecks your house or just trips falling down the stairs or just ends up in some sort of jam or whatnot, you can’t help but giggle.

Would you have liked to have been friends with Goofy?
Not really. He’s three inches taller than me. That’s fine by me. What I am upset is that I was one inch too tall to be a friend of Pluto’s.

Which daddy would you rather get a spanking from? George Clooney or Hugh Jackman.

Hugh Jackman. Besides the Wolverine factor, he’s an Aussie. Aussies know how to be wild.

Should he spank you with the claws in or out?
Preferably in. Otherwise, I’d have a very interesting story to tell them at the E.R.

What if you had the ability to self-heal?
Then I’d say in or out, do whatever you want.

What’s your greatest fear?
For somebody who loves the ocean, a fear of sharks.

What was your first pet’s name?
Shanee.

What was the street you grew up on?
Breezyway.

Shanee Breezyway would be your porn star name. What would you be known for?

I’d be very verbal.

Does size really matter?
No. It’s all about how you use your jewel, and also what other ways they can bring pleasure to your body. If they can find certain spots on your body with their mouth, then wow. There’s also edging and other things.

What would you like to be remembered for?
For as much light as I could bring into other people’s lives, either through massage or through entertainment.

What do you like best about your life?
That it’s unpredictable and that things can always change for the better.

Would you rather live longer or be wealthier?
Live longer. You’d have more time to take in the finer things in life, and your bucket list could be longer.

Finally, what is your philosophy of life?
Love yourself as much as you love others.

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