By André Hereford on April 2, 2023 @here4andre
In the annals of would-be blockbusters that weren’t, few have flopped harder with audiences and critics than the 2000 bomb Dungeons & Dragons, a film so heinously bad that its place at 39th on Empire magazine’s list of the Worst Films of All Time seems incredibly generous.
But Hollywood loves a do-over, and we have the time, so we’re glad to see franchise reboot Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves leading off this busy movie season of sequels and second chances, including another turn at bringing Nintendo’s Super Mario Bros. to the screen since the 1993 live-action adaptation that landed on its share of worst lists.
The new, computer-animated The Super Mario Bros. Movie will share multiplexes with a wave of crowd-pleasing reboots and sequels, from Evil Dead Rises and Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 3 to Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse and Disney’s latest live-action adaptation The Little Mermaid. Yet we’re even more excited for original visions like Ari Aster’s Beau Is Afraid, Benjamin Millepied’s Carmen, and horror-comedy The Blackening.
A.V. Rockwell’s gritty drama A Thousand and One, or Saim Sadik’s sensitive trans-themed love story Joyland might also sneak in box office success, or otherwise find an audience for their passionate stories of characters longing for redemption. Because, in this or any other universe, it seems, everyone appreciates second chances.
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves — Even by the relaxed standards applied to action movies based on a fantasy role-playing game, the 2000 feature film adaptation of Dungeons & Dragons, starring Jeremy Irons and Justin Whalin, was a murky mess. Two decades later, reliable sources report that this big-budget reboot — starring Chris Pine, Michelle Rodriguez, and Regé-Jean Page, and set in the game’s Forgotten Realms — is a rollicking good time. Pine has beamed up billions in global box office captaining a blockbuster team before, and this outfit couldn’t do worse than the first D&D film, so let’s roll the dice. (3/31)
Spinning Gold — Record exec Neil Bogart started Casablanca Records in 1973, and built the label into an industry powerhouse on the success of hits by Kiss, Donna Summer, Gladys Knight & the Pips, Parliament/Funkadelic, Lipps, Inc., and the Village People. Like any respectable record label in the ’70s, Casablanca became a drugs-and-party-fueled scene unto itself, the subject of this music-filled biopic written and directed by Bogart’s son, Timothy Scott Bogart. Stage and TV vet Jeremy Jordan took over the role of the label founder after originally-cast Justin Timberlake bowed out, but the cast still boasts an array of current music stars playing the Casablanca lineup, so the soundtrack should take us all the way to Funkytown. (3/31)
A Thousand and One — Singer-actress Teyana Taylor blew Sundance Film Festival audiences away with her performance as a formerly incarcerated single mom in Harlem working to restore a relationship with her young son, in this debut feature from writer-director A.V. Rockwell. Awarded the festival’s Grand Jury Prize, the drama looks primed to win over moviegoers with its tearjerking story of maternal strength and devotion. (3/31)
Air — Good buzz precedes this Ben Affleck-directed sports drama tracking Nike’s all-court press in 1984 to sign then-NBA rookie Michael Jordan to an endorsement deal. The latest onscreen reunion for Oscar-winning buds Affleck and Matt Damon — playing, respectively, Nike chairman Phil Knight, and Sonny Vaccaro, the marketing exec who masterminded the deal — the movie might be more notable for who does not appear. As a character, Michael Jordan only graces the film in the abstract, a barely glimpsed future icon, fought over and adored, but not involved as a protagonist in what’s ostensibly his story. It’s a bold move that could backfire, or it might be a slam dunk. (4/5)
The Super Mario Bros. Movie — Directors Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic, the creative team behind Cartoon Network’s long-running Teen Titans Go!, packed this game-inspired romp through the Mushroom Kingdom with brilliant, computer-animated visuals and a spirited voice cast, led by Chris Pratt as that hustling plumber Mario, Charlie Day as his bro Luigi, Anya Taylor-Joy as plucky Princess Peach, and Seth Rogen goofing it up as Donkey Kong. Mario and friends should have family audiences all to themselves until The Little Mermaid swims onto shore a couple of weeks later. (4/5)
Chevalier — Billed as the untold true story of French-Caribbean music prodigy Joseph Bologne, an 18th-century Black man dubbed Chevalier de Sainte-George by Marie-Antoinette, this lushly produced period biopic, starring the usually scintillating Kelvin Harrison, Jr. in the title role, brings music to our ears. (4/7)
Paint — Owen Wilson is Carl Nargle, the perm-coiffed, Bob Ross-style host of a public-TV painting show in this comedy from filmmaker Brit McAdams. Nargle’s world comes crashing down when a new painting host, played by Ciara Renée, steals his spotlight. Despite a cast including Wendi McLendon-Covey, Stephen Root, Michaela Watkins, and Denny Dillon, the movie’s trailer doesn’t get any funnier than Wilson’s wig. Maybe a film about the actual Bob Ross and his Happy Little Trees would have painted a more appealing picture. (4/7)
Showing Up — First Cow auteur Kelly Reichardt corralled recent Oscar nominees Michelle Williams, Hong Chau, and Judd Hirsch for this understated comedy about a Portland sculptor balancing life, her art, and friendly rivalries with fellow artists. This fourth collaboration for Reichardt and muse Williams — following Wendy and Lucy, Meek’s Cutoff, and Certain Women — promises another compelling portrait of a woman on fire. (4/7)
How to Blow Up a Pipeline — The acclaimed non-fiction book by Andreas Malm is adapted into a crime thriller following a group of ultra-committed young climate activists plotting to disrupt an oil pipeline. The YA heist energy evoked in the trailer might not do justice to the serious environmentalist arguments raised in Malm’s book, but the film’s studio Neon rarely misses, and a high-profile portrayal of the issue could ignite worthwhile discussion, if not inspire future climate heroes. (4/7)
Joyland — Filmmaker Saim Sadik’s gorgeously shot love story between a trans female dancer (Alina Khan) at an erotic theater in bustling Lahore, Pakistan, and the straight family man (Ali Junejo) who takes a job there, has already garnered festival prizes from Bangkok to Cannes, where it earned the Queer Palm for best LGBTQ-themed film. (4/7, in limited release)
Renfield — Somewhere in the mid-aughts, gonzo thespian Nicolas Cage lifted off from the mortal plane of conventional Hollywood stardom to let his artistic freak flag fly — that is, even more than he had up to that point. So it’s fitting to find him floating into view as the Lord of Death, Dracula, in this effects-driven supernatural comedy starring Nicholas Hoult as the vampire’s weary assistant and provider of fresh necks for biting. Awkwafina co-stars as the guns-a-blazing traffic cop who tries to help Renfield free himself from an eternity of servitude to his draining boss. (4/14)
The Pope’s Exorcist — Russell Crowe pays some bills, and looks like he has a grand old time, portraying, well, read the title. Although, is this spiritual specialist exorcising demons for the Pope, or does he also exorcise evil from the Pope? And, is that Crowe’s “Greek” accent from Thor: Love and Thunder? Those and other questions we’ll ponder until a chance to see heads spin for ourselves in this supernatural thriller “inspired by the actual files of Father Gabriele Amorth, Chief Exorcist of the Vatican.” (4/14)
Mafia Mamma — The last wacky Toni Collette comedy to make our film preview — last fall’s poorly received The Estate, co-starring Anna Faris and Kathleen Turner — came and went with nary a trace. We’re rooting for cinema treasures Collette and Monica Bellucci to knock ’em dead with this Catherine Hardwick-directed mob caper about a suburban American writer tapped to take the reins of her distant Italian family’s mafia operation. (4/14)
Quasi — Super Troopers and Club Dread comedy crew Broken Lizard returns with a spoof of medieval action epics, starring troupe member Steve Lemme as a hunchback caught up in a clash between the Pope (Paul Soter) and the King of France (Jay Chandrasekhar). This looks super ridiculous, and laugh-out-loud funny. (4/20, streaming on Hulu)
Carmen — Scream queen and In the Heights star Melissa Barrera laces up her dancing shoes as Mexican immigrant Carmen, who seeks her destiny in the City of Angels, guided by Rossy de Palma’s mysterious matriarch. Carmen also falls for a U.S. Marine, played by arthouse heartthrob Paul Mescal, who dances her off her feet in this visually arresting take on Bizet’s classic opera from renowned choreographer Benjamin Millepied, making his feature directing debut. (4/21)
Evil Dead Rise — The Dead have arisen in this long-awaited followup (though not direct sequel) to the hit 2013 franchise reboot. Evil Dead creator Sam Raimi’s Ghost House Pictures produced, and Lee Cronin wrote and directed this gnarly-looking horror show — someone’s scalp gets yanked off, and that’s just in the trailer — about a demon-possessed mom (Vikings star Alyssa Sutherland) terrorizing her three children. (4/21)
Little Richard: I Am Everything — Rock ‘n’ roll pioneer, virtuoso musician, Black American hero, queer icon, patron saint of the boldly outrageous — Little Richard really was all that and a bag of chips. And if he hadn’t left us in May 2020, he’d be all over the press right now reminding us it’s about damn time the world put respect on his name with an in-depth documentary portrait of the artist they called “The Architect of Rock and Roll.” Veteran producer/director Lisa Cortés (All In: The Fight for Democracy) helmed this look at Richard Wayne Penniman’s one-of-a-kind life and career, featuring interviews with Billy Porter, John Waters, Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney, and of course, a whole lotta footage of the man himself. (4/21, in theaters and VOD)
Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant — Given the possessive title to distinguish Ritchie’s latest sortie into bros bonding amidst bullets from the many unrelated films of the same name, this Afghanistan-set military thriller doesn’t appear so distinct from other combat epics starring Jarhead Jake Gyllenhaal. Here, Jake is a U.S. Army sergeant on a mission in Afghanistan, and Baghdad-born Dar Salim portrays the interpreter whose selfless act of courage bonds them through the harshest circumstances. We’re more intrigued by The Boys villain Antony Starr popping up in a supporting role, setting aside his homicidal Homelander to join in Ritchie’s macho war games. (4/21)
Back on the Strip — The eclectic collective of Wesley Snipes, Bill Bellamy, J.B. Smoove, Faizon Love, and comedian Gary Owen are giving Full Monty vibes in this comedy about a former Vegas male stripper crew, The Chocolate Chips, who reunite for reasons that had better be funny, because it doesn’t appear that writer-director Chris Spencer (co-creator of BET+ series Real Husbands of Hollywood) is shooting for sexy. (4/21)
Beau Is Afraid — After Hereditary and Midsommar, we know to expect the unexpected, layered with anxious, creeping discomfort, from filmmaker Ari Aster’s genre-bending psychological thriller-comedy starring Joaquin Phoenix as a troubled man venturing home to his mama — played by Patti LuPone, of all people, among an ensemble that includes Nathan Lane, Amy Ryan, Parker Posey, and Zoe Lister-Jones. (4/21)
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret — Judy Blume’s truly timeless teenage tome that’s taught generations of pubescent girls (and boys, too) a healthy awareness of their bodies, and has had kids chanting “I must-I must-I must increase my bust” for over 50 years, finally graduates to the big screen, adapted by filmmaker Kelly Fremon Craig (The Edge of Seventeen), with Rachel McAdams, Kathy Bates, and Ant-Man‘s Abby Ryder Fortson as Margaret. (4/28)
Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 3 — The MCU keeps on trucking, just like this ragtag interstellar squad, led by Chris Pratt’s endearingly bullheaded Star-Lord. The band’s still in disarray since the events of Avengers: Endgame, and the loss of Quill’s love Gamora (Zoë Saldaña). The movie momentarily experienced the loss of its leader, as filmmaker James Gunn was fired by the studio over a Twitter controversy, then rehired, and has since moved on from Marvel to take over rival DC’s film and TV universe-building. Despite any behind-the-scenes drama, the Guardians usually know how to bring fun action and adventure, and this time, they’ve brought along golden god-like comics fave Adam Warlock (Will Poulter) to rock the galaxy with them, or against them, if that’s the case. (5/5)
Book Club: The Next Chapter — Speaking of getting the band back together, Jane Fonda aims to keep her late-blooming run of hits rolling, reuniting with Book Club compatriots Candice Bergen, Mary Steenburgen, and Diane Keaton — and writer-director Bill Holderman — for another chapter of well-appointed hijinks, as the foursome tours Italy, with Don Johnson and Andy Garcia among the “younger” studs who turn their heads. (5/12)
Love Again — A romantic comedy starring Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Sam Heughan as a pair of New Yorkers whose mistaken-identity courtship comes with a soundtrack of new and classic songs by Celine Dion runs the risk of being a little cheesy, but still lovable. A romantic comedy where that courtship is nudged along by Celine Dion playing herself, dropping advice like, “Love has a plan for each and every one of us,” risks only not living up to our high expectations of camp magnificence. (5/12)
Fast X — We know not to underestimate Dominic Toretto and the Fast family. Every time it seems the 22-year-old franchise is dead or past its prime, Vin Diesel’s Toretto and crew rev their engines back to life with ever-more outlandish vehicular stunts. In Fast 9, they wound up in orbit. Where do Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Ludacris, Tyrese Gibson, Jordana Brewster, and Sung Kang go from there, but home to Abuela Toretto, played by the ageless Rita Moreno, then racing from the explosive exploits of new guest villain Jason Momoa as a mad, vengeful bomber. (5/19)
The Little Mermaid — It looks like Disney spent a mint on this Rob Marshall-directed adaptation of the studio’s 1989 animated musical, and singer-actress Halle Bailey undoubtedly has the pipes to belt the beloved songs by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman, and new songs co-written by Menken and Lin-Manuel Miranda — and, though Melissa McCarthy’s Ursula the Sea Witch seems more glam than menacing, this underwater fantasy might dazzle audiences unafraid to reimagine the ages-old tale. (5/26)
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-verse — The most visually striking, tightly-executed Marvel superhero movie, which just happens to be animated, the Oscar-winning Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse gets a sequel with this multiverse-hopping return of Blatino teen Miles Morales (Shameik Moore), the next-gen Spider-Man leaping back into action alongside Spider-folk from beyond this dimension. An army of Doc Ocks couldn’t keep us away. (6/2)
The Boogeyman — Based on the Stephen King short story found in his collection Night Shift, Rob Savage directs this haunting horror flick told from the point of view of young Sawyer (Vivien Lyra Blair). Chris Messina plays her dad, and Sophie Thatcher, David Dastmalchian, Marin Ireland, and LisaGay Hamilton round out the cast of grownups who should warn Sawyer not to look under her bed unless she’s prepared to deal with the fanged, ravenous monster she finds lurking there. (6/2)
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts — Another one, this time from Creed II director Steven Caple, Jr., starring Anthony Ramos and Dominique Fishback as humans caught in the crossfire of a war between shapeshifting alien machines, voiced by the likes of Michelle Yeoh, Ron Perlman, Pete Davidson, Peter Dinklage, and Michaela Jaé Rodriguez. It looks action-packed, but call us when they reach Rise of the Appliances, and we can see stoves and refrigerators battling for kitchen supremacy. (6/9)
The Blackening — Get your popcorn ready for this slasher satire, featuring a Black cast and the perfect tagline, “They can’t all die first.” These performers — Yvonne Orji, Jay Pharoah, Grace Byers, Jermaine Fowler, and Dewayne Perkins, who co-wrote the script — are all known to be funny, and if the jokes are as on point as they are pointed, this could be a scary good time. (6/16)
The Flash — They’ll write books about the tumultuous era of the DC Extended Universe that produced its share of blockbusters and blunders, launching in 2013 with Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel, and wrapping, for all intents and purposes, this year with the releases of The Flash, The Blue Beetle in August, and December’s Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, before a new era begins. Anyone following the rollercoaster trajectory of offensive and criminal behavior by Flash star Ezra Miller might have assumed the actor would not be welcome for what comes next, but word is that the studio is so pleased with this multiverse-spanning adventure — featuring both Michael Keaton’s Batman and Ben Affleck’s — that reportedly this won’t be Miller’s last run in the spandex suit. (6/16)
Elemental — For its latest computer-animated escapade, Pixar anthropomorphizes the elements of life — earth, air, fire, and water — in a romantic comedy pairing flaming Ember (Leah Lewis) and dripping Wade (Mamoudou Athie), opposites who attract but have serious fundamental differences to overcome if they want to be together. (6/16)
No Hard Feelings — Jennifer Lawrence, charting her own career destiny as producer and star, swings hard into R-rated, flat-out physical comedy as a down-on-her-finances Uber driver hired by a couple of helicopter parents (Laura Benanti and a bewigged Matthew Broderick) to nudge their awkward son Percy (Andrew Barth Feldman) out of his shell by dating him, and dating him hard. She’s prepared to “date his brains out” for a buck, and, hopefully, more laughs than cringes prompted by the weird psychosexual family dynamics bubbling under the surface. (6/23)
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny — There’s been no indication that new Indy filmmaker James Mangold, taking over from Steven Spielberg, made any accommodations to fans hoping this fifth installment might find Harrison Ford’s intrepid adventurer passing the torch to long-lost Temple of Doom protégé Short Round, given the amazing comeback of Ke Huy Quan, who debuted in the role 40 years ago. Though it’s unlikely we’ll see that reunion, the team did enlist Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who plays Indy’s goddaughter Helena, joining him against his old nemeses, the Nazis. Whatever they can do to wipe off the stink of The Crystal Skull, we’re here for it. (6/30)
Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken — Dreamworks Animation’s inventively-designed, coming-of-age comedy about 16-year old Ruby discovering the truth about why she feels so out-of-place at Oceanside High — because she actually hails from a line of warrior queen sea krakens! — radiates cool, queer vibes, and boasts an enviable voice cast, with Toni Collette, Colman Domingo, Lana Condor as Ruby, and Jane Fonda as the Warrior Queen of the Seven Seas, a role the Hollywood legend might have been born to play. (6/30)
Mission: Impossible, Dead Reckoning, Part One — Shot back-to-back with next summer’s Dead Reckoning, Part Two, this seventh entry in Tom Cruise’s consistently thrilling spy action series provides the latest opportunity for the Running Man to one-up himself with death-defying stunts like driving a motorcycle off a cliff, then BASE jumping to the ground. Still riding the high-flying success of Top Gun: Maverick — the movie that saved moviegoing, according to some people — Cruise should have no trouble packing in audiences to see Ethan Hunt and crew (Ving Rhames, Simon Pegg, and Rebecca Ferguson all return) vanquish foes Henry Czerny, Esai Morales, and Vanessa Kirby — or not, since the title tips off that this mission was impossible to complete in just one film. (7/7)
Joy Ride — Sherry Cola, Ashley Park, Sabrina Wu, and EEAAO Oscar nominee Stephanie Hsu star as four friends on a Crazy Asian Girls Trip across China in search of Park’s character’s birth mom. From Family Guy writer Cherry T. Chevapravatdumrong, Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens co-creator Teresa Hsiao, and Crazy Rich Asians co-writer Adele Lim, making her feature directing debut, this looks like a wild, R-rated ride that makes pit stops to pick up a few hunks along the way (fans of Insecure‘s Alexander Hodge, rise up). (7/7)
Theater Camp — Dear Evan Hansen award-winner Ben Platt strikes us as someone who might have thrived like the dickens at a summer camp for kids hoping to find their voice or find themselves through theater. But, as Platt told Variety in an interview for the Sundance Festival premiere of this comedy — based on the 2020 non-fiction short about campers putting on a show — he never attended theater camp. “I always wanted to, but I never got to. So now I did,” and now we’ll see what had audiences at Sundance standing and cheering for Platt and co-stars Molly Gordon, Patti Harrison, Ayo Edebiri, Amy Sedaris, and Noah Galvin (Platt’s real-life husband). (7/14)
Barbie — Margot Robbie seems perfectly cast as the blonde bombshell in bubble-gum pink, and Oscar-nominated Little Women and Lady Bird filmmaker Greta Gerwig seems a clever choice to direct, and co-write with Oscar-nominated hubby Noah Baumbach, a live-action romantic comedy that finds our doll navigating some existential crisis in Barbie Land. But what is this movie? Are we in for candy-colored silliness, or snappy social satire about trying to attain perfection? Maybe both, though by the looks of Ryan Gosling’s day-glo outfits as Ken, and the wide-eyed smiles on everyone else, from Simu Liu to Issa Rae — we still have no clue what this movie’s planning, but we’re intrigued. (7/21)
Blue Beetle — The popular Latino DC Comics superhero enters the DCEU, making his big-screen debut in this origin story of Mexican-American teen Jaime Reyes — played by Cobra Kai co-star Xolo Maridueña — gaining superpowers when an alien blue scarab latches onto his body, encasing him in his Blue Beetle exoskeleton. If or how Blue Beetle fits into DC’s plans for the rest of its universe, or even which universe of many the character occupies, remains to be seen. And that’s only if superhero fatigue doesn’t leave a healthy portion of moviegoers resting on the sidelines, though the Beetle has his own fanbase that’s surely buzzing to see him. (8/18)
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By John Riley on November 18, 2024 @JRileyMW
Denzel Washington revealed that a scene in which he kisses another male actor was cut from the final version of the movie Ridley Scott's upcoming Gladiator II.
The Oscar-winning actor plays Macrinus, an ambitious, wealthy Roman businessman who is presumed to be bisexual in the film.
"I kissed the man in the film but they took it . I think they got chicken," he told Gayety. "I kissed a guy full on the lips, and I guess they weren’t ready for that yet."
The gesture, at least in the context of the movie's plot, was not a romantic one, but more of a sealing of one's fate.
By André Hereford on December 13, 2024 @here4andre
Not as bad as studio cousin Morbius, yet, somehow, not better, Kraven the Hunter brings to an ignominious close the Sony Spider-Man Spinoff Universe. The series of films featuring legacy villains and side characters from Marvel’s Spider-Man comics, but never Spider-Man himself, the so-called SSU went out swinging with three releases in 2024 -- the laughably clunky Madame Web, lackadaisical Venom: The Last Dance, and, finally, Kraven -- all aligned in their astounding sense of how completely over this cinematic universe its creators appear to be.
In fact, it was reported on the eve of Kraven’s release that it would be the last spinoff in the SSU. Although, the film, directed by J.C Chandor (A Most Violent Year), still could have been a contender in its own right.
By John Riley on December 5, 2024 @JRileyMW
Grindr, the popular hookup app for gay and bisexual men, released its annual edition of "Grindr Unwrapped," a compilation of cultural trends, sexual habits, and other statistics regarding its users.
Over the course of 2024, Grindr's users sent more than 130 billion chats, and "tapped" fellow users over 10 billion times.
Additionally, more than 2 billion private photo albums were shared. And, yeah, that's a lot of dicks.
Grindr surveyed its worldwide user base, in addition to compiling anonymous, aggregated profile data from user accounts, to identify sex, dating, travel, and pop culture preferences and trends.
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