Truly Yours
Sex Addicted Boyfriend? Trust versus Text Messaging?
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Dear Lena,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year now and just found out that he’s a sex addict. He says he hasn’t been to any tearooms or bathhouses since we have been together but it’s hard for me to believe him since I know about addictions. Please help!
— Loving the Nomad
Wait. You have been with him a year and you just found out he’s a sex addict? Either he must not have a huge problem or you’re a little on the obtuse side.
It sounds as if his addiction is not the issue, but instead your issue is your trust in his commitment to you. There are many ways to treat addiction, from therapy to 12-step programs. However, your lack of trust in your partner — who, after all, has been with you for a year now — can only be treated by sincere communication with him. If you love him, and it sounds as if you do, confront this demon head on by letting him know your fears, as well as your expectations. Your expectation of monogamy is not an unrealistic one, but if sex addiction is truly his problem, you have an additional hurdle to overcome. Do your best to get past it together.
Dear Lena,
Me and my boyfriend split up recently. We got back together but both had other relationships in the meantime. We got back together because we loved each other, and we both split up with out other partners. Now he still speaks to his ex-partner only on text messaging. I do trust him, but I don’t trust her. What can I do to overcome this?
–Trust
You do not have to trust her. Your trust has to be in the person you love. If you trust him, you realize that he will not do anything that would jeopardize your relationship. But bear this in mind: You’ve broken up once before. As a rule, if there’s a good enough reason to leave your lover, there’s rarely a good enough reason to go back. Likewise, he broke off a relationship with someone else in order to get back together with you. If he was willing to do that to his ex, what makes you think that he wouldn’t do that to you? You either trust him or you don’t. No magic formula, trust comes and grows only in sincere love, you tramp. Just kidding, lots of luck, honey.
Dear Lena,
Okay, I’m a gay transvestite and I have to ask the question: Who does your makeup? It’s beautiful and flawless. If you go to a salon, please let us know which one.
–Fooshe
I do my own makeup, honey, but there is not one drag queen in this city that I have not taken some tip from. Every face is a canvas, and you the artist. You have the ability to create anything you desire. Thank you for the lovely compliment.
Truly Yours,
Lena
Lonely hearted? Hardly lonely? Just plain hard up? Lena will solve your problem at the cost of a question. E-mail her at lena@metroweekly.com or visit www.metroweekly.com/nightlife/truly_yours/ Â to fill out a handy webform.
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