Fire Daddy Ken has a confession to make. “I am a shy guy,” says the silver fox from Norfolk, Virginia, who earned the title of Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather 2024 at last year’s Leather Weekend.

“Before I started doing all the contests and everything, I was the kind of guy that’s in the back corner,” he continues. “I was happy and content. And people would always ask me, ‘What’s wrong? Why are you so quiet?’ Being in the contest and having the Virginia title, and having the Mid-Atlantic title has definitely brought me out of my shell quite a bit.”

For Kenneth Nelms — also a dedicated LGBTQ advocate on the board of Norfolk’s LGBT Life Center, and, until recently, a decorated firefighter of over 30 years — coming out of his shell has been a long, steady, often challenging process. It’s meant learning to accept and live his truth both on the job and among his friends and loved ones.

Through the process, Nelms has been inspired to embrace his leather- and kink-loving side as Fire Daddy Ken, and combine his life in service with his love for the leather community. The charitable works and fundraising responsibilities of a leather titleholder are largely what spurred his interest in competing in contests like Mr. Virginia Leather, Mr. MAL, and International Mr. Leather.

Competing is a whole other, sometimes grueling process of interviews, rehearsals, engagements, and pageantry. The packed schedule, especially at IML, can be intense. “It’s well-produced and it keeps you, as a contestant, very busy during the week,” Ken recalls, noting that, though he wasn’t named the winner, he left IML with a new family of siblings: his fellow contestants from around the globe.

He’ll return with a group of them to IML this year. “A bunch of my class — my siblings — are going,” he says. “And yeah, this is our year to relax and enjoy and not have a schedule of ‘You got to be here for interviews, you got to be here for this rehearsal.'”

As his hectic year representing the Mr. MAL title and the Centaur Motorcycle Club, who host Leather Weekend, winds down, Fire Daddy Ken still holds the august responsibility to help decide the next Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather. And even after he hands over the sash, he’ll continue to be of service, he says, spreading his message of supporting “safe spaces, kindness, body empowerment, and inclusivity.”

Meanwhile, at home in Norfolk, he plans to devote even more of his time to the LGBT Life Center.

“We recently opened up two clinics and two pharmacies,” he says, “and we partnered with Freddie, an online testing and PrEP provider. So I’m really looking forward to getting involved with especially the pharmacy.”

The Center might also expand its footprint. “This pharmacy has the possibility of bringing in massive amounts of revenue so that we can help those individuals and we can build new spaces,” he says, noting a just-completed new facility in Hampton, Virginia. Proud to be of service, he can’t help but smile. “We built a center over there, and I’m ecstatic with it. It’s a beautiful center.”

METRO WEEKLY: I know you’re a real Hampton Roads native. You’ve been in service as a firefighter in Suffolk, on the board of the LGBT Life Center in Norfolk. I’ve got questions about everything, starting with, are you a firefighter now?

FIRE DADDY KEN: No, I actually retired May 1st of this year after 36 years of service with the City of Suffolk Fire Department.

MW: Why was this year the year?

KEN: Well, I had been dragging it on. I had said I was going to retire at 30. We had very short staffing, and there was a huge amount of overtime. It was an opportunity for me to bank into my retirement system, so I stayed on.

I guess the catalyst for making me retire was somebody came back and told me a story that they were at another fire station, and they were discussing some training that we recently had, which is called RIT — rapid intervention training. And it’s designed for firefighters to rescue firefighters when they are in trouble. They get trapped inside the house fire, or something goes wrong. And one of the people that was there talking made a statement that they would not put their life on the line for “the faggot lieutenant over at Station 10.” This happened to be a station that is the next station up from mine. These people would definitely be the people that would be on that team if I got in trouble. And I hoped that we were beyond that at this day and time.

When I first got in the fire department, I would never dare tell anybody that I was gay. Out of the 36 years that I served, only the last six was I pretty much open about being gay. And the only reason I came out at that time is because I was at a station that was very small, and two of my coworkers there had gay sons, and I just thought it was the time to come out and say something. I’m pretty sure people speculated. Here he is thirty years old, and he’s never brought a woman to the Fireman’s Ball.

But I heard them talking about things with their sons, and they had questions and they didn’t know where to go, and so I was like, “You know what? I’m gay.” And at the table, it was like mouths fall open. They’re like, “Holy shit, you said it, you said it.” And I was like, “Yes, there’s no denying it.” And one of the guys that had just recently been transferred to my shift, I was told that he was very homophobic. And actually, out of everybody that was sitting at the table, he’s the only one that actually showed up at an event at a gay bar for me, him and his wife. And they had a blast.

MW: I want to clarify something. That statement that other firefighter made about “the faggot lieutenant,” was he referring to you or somebody else?

KEN: Yes, he was referring to me. And the sad part about that, there were eight people in that vicinity that were in a group chat, and the person that was assigned to my station but not on my shift stood up and said, “That’s a fucked up thing to say about anybody, especially a brother. I don’t care what his sexuality is, I would put my life on the line for him.” And out of the eight people, that was the only person that stood up and said something. I was just like, “You know what? I’ve had enough.” I’ve done my share. I’ve done my 36 years, I’m good with going now.

MW: Did you always want to be a firefighter?

KEN: I started off doing emergency medical, rescue squad stuff back when I was 14. And I was actually riding in the back of an ambulance at 14, taking care of patients for a very short bit. The only thing you had to have is advanced First Aid and CPR. And I had some pretty big calls for a 14-year-old. I had a guy who was stabbed in the neck at a local meatpacking plant. And I took him in, and I had to hold pressure on his carotid artery the entire ride to the hospital, which was about 45 minutes to almost an hour. Got him to the hospital, took him in and turned him over to the ED staff. The doctor was not in the room at the time, and the doctor comes looking for the paramedic. And so he sees a 60-something-year-old female that was driving the ambulance there and he says, “Where’s the paramedic?” She goes, “Oh, he’s in the bathroom.”

And so he comes in the bathroom, and I’m just finished washing my hands. And he says, “Excuse me, son, have you seen a paramedic in here?” And I was like, “No, I’m the only person in here.” And he goes, “Oh, okay.” And so he turns around and walks back outside. And as I opened the door, he says, “I thought you said the paramedic was in the bathroom.” And she goes, “That’s him.” And he goes, “You?” And he goes, “I just want to tell you, you saved this man’s life.” And from that point on, I was hooked.

MW: On rescue.

KEN: I knew I was gonna be in service. I stayed in rescue for several years. And then I knew they were hiring at the fire department, and I was like, hey, there’s more of a career on the fire side than there is EMS. That’s why I made the switch.

MW: And I’m going to have to mention in this article your many, many commendations, like Firefighter of the Year in 2016. It’s a lot to leave behind. And that also explains why they wouldn’t want to let you go. At what point did you become Fire Daddy Ken?

KEN: I was asked this question at IML. The question was, “Many of us have to hide our kinks from our career lives — how is it that you incorporate the two of them?” And basically what it is, is that there are two Kens in my local club, which is the Nighthawks of Virginia. And somebody came in looking for me and they directed them to the other Ken, and so they went back to the bartender and said, “No, that’s not the Ken I’m looking for.” And the bartender said, “Oh, you’re looking for Fire Daddy Ken.” And it just went off. Ever since then, the designation between the two of us is that’s Daddy Ken, and this is Fire Daddy Ken. And it just stuck.

MW: Which also brings me to leather, and the Nighthawks. Are you a biker?

KEN: No, I’m not.

MW: Then what led you to leather?

KEN: I saw them in the bar, which was called The Garage at the time. It was a little hole in the wall, nasty place, but it was our bar. It was a little seedy bar. And they would always come in and do the bar nights and stuff. And it was a weird configuration, because you had to walk through that bar to get to another bar that was actually physically next door, which was a country western bar.

And I was always scared to death of the leather guys, because here’s these big guys in leather, and they just look mean. And it’s just like, agh. I would come in the front door, and there was a little foyer area, and I would wait to make sure that they all turned their backs, and I would scoot past them and get to the country western side, because they would not come on the country western side.

And one night, they happened to be doing Leather Lockup. It’s always held in February during Valentine’s Day. And you can pay money to have people locked up. You can pay money to have them strip-searched, consensually. I was over on the western side doing my two-stepping and line dancing and stuff, which I love to do, and somebody came over, and they’re like, “Oh my god, Ken, there’s another fireman on the other side in The Garage, and I think he knows you.” And I was like, “Okay.”

As soon as I walked to the door, two Nighthawks in full leather just grabbed me and say, “You’re under arrest.” Somebody had set me up. They put me in the jail cell. And they said, “You got to stay in here ten minutes, or get somebody to post your bail.” And it was all for a fundraiser for the Center and everything. And I just played along. And they were like, “Hey, you got to strip search.” And I was like, “Okay, I’m cool with that,” because I’m like a nudist, no shame in my game. And so they take off my hat, they take off my shirt, and then they unbuckle my pants. And then, this is the time before International Male and all that. I had bought some underwear from… God, what was the name of the place? It’s a little straight place for mostly women, but guys, too.

MW: What, like Frederick’s or something?

KEN: Frederick’s of Hollywood! Yes, Fredrick’s of Hollywood. And I had bought a pair of purple silk thongs.

MW: Sexy.

KEN: So they open my pants, and the guy just takes a little tiny flashlight and puts it in the pouch of the underwear. And he says, “There’s no way that these can keep you warm.” I said, “No sir, no sir. And I’ll never wear these again.” That was the end of my purple thongs.

MW: Oh. Well, either way is good, I guess.

KEN: Back to the point of your question, what led me there is seeing these guys in leather, and I’m all about community, and I’ve been a big supporter of the Life Center for like 30 years. And so I saw that they were doing good in the community by raising money to help individuals and community service, and I was like, “Wow, that’s really cool. And you get to wear leather, too? Fucking hot.” That’s what really drove me to it. And it took me many years to do that because I didn’t join the Nighthawks until 2017.

MW: Have you seen much overlap between firefighters and the leather community?

KEN: No, not at all. I don’t even know of that many gay firefighters. I was not the first gay firefighter in the city of Suffolk. We had a young lady there who was a lesbian. And she was out and she was proud. And I tell you what, I would go in a house fire with her in a minute because I knew she had my back. She was one tough cookie. And she would always bring her girlfriend up to where we would have dinner. And the guys were like — the chatter and stuff. In the first years, you listened to a lot of the gay jokes and slurs and name-calling and all that. And then I believe that after a while, they realized that Ken’s not dating any females. I went through the whole thing of dating a female, thinking that this was just a phase. But after they started thinking about “Maybe it’s a possibility he might be playing for the other team” type deal, the jokes and stuff dissipated. Or if I walked in the room, it would be an abrupt stop or something like that.

MW: And do the guys shower together and all of that at the firehouse?

KEN: No, we don’t have any group showers. We have individual showers. Everybody’s pretty modest there. But we did have — and they still have — dormitory-type sleeping arrangements. And it’s normally either a curtain or a half-wall type thing that divides. And then it could be upwards to 15 people in a room.

MW: You talk about going into a fire with that brave young woman. What are some of your crazier experiences? Have you been injured on duty?

KEN: I’ve had some injuries on duty. I thought I was having a heart attack one day, and it ended up being just a pulled muscle in my chest close to the heart. It gave me the same signs and symptoms as I’m having a heart attack. That freaked me out. Had some leg injuries. But other than that, that’s pretty much on the injury side. Pretty much anything you could think imaginable that can be done to a human body, I’ve pretty much seen it all.

And another reason why I work with the Center so much is that I’ve seen young people commit suicide because they were gay and their family wouldn’t accept it. And I went on a call for a — I think he was either 12 or 13 years old. He shot himself in the head with his dad’s gun. And he just left a note that said, “I love you, but you can’t love me for who I am.”

MW: I hope your coming out was happier. How did it go for you?

KEN: It wasn’t bad. Like I said, a lot of people speculated. And my mom swears up and down she did not know. But I was like, “Mom, I’ve had guy roommates for 20 years.” But I love her to death. She’s my rummy player. She’s my big supporter. And it’s funny, too, when I did the Mr. Virginia Leather contest the second time around — the first time was a total flop, I froze onstage, but one of the judges there, Scorpius Red, he actually walked with me out to my car, and he says, “You need to run again. People need to hear your story. You have a good story. You need to do it.” So I ran again.

And we have a fetish part or a skit part in the Virginia contest. And I was like, “I hate skits. I hate skits. I don’t know what to do.” I say, “Okay, everything I do is going to be telling a little bit more about Ken.” I came out, and there’s this box on the stage and it says Ken’s Kinks. I end up going through my major kinks. My mom wants to come to this. And I was like, “Yes, you can come.” I said, “But mom, I need to talk to you. I need to tell you that there is a skit, and this is what it’s going to be.” And I tell her everything. I told her, “It’s going to be gear play, boy play, boy-sir play. It’s going to be boot worship, it’s going to be sit play, it’s going to be bondage, flogging, spanking, pup play, toy play.” And I had to explain it to her. And then I was like, “And then the finale is fisting.” And she just looked at me, and she’s nice and quiet, and she goes, “Are you going to actually stick anything in anybody?” I was like, “No, you can’t do that on stage. ABC Law would not allow you to do that.” And she goes, “Okay.”

I go and do the contest, and I do it to music. And we just go through all these roles. And at the end, I have cards like the old YouTube music video. And it says, “All of us have our kinks and deserve to be respected, so be kind to one another.” And then the very last one, I reached out and I picked up a bag and I threw it down, and it said, “Well, Mom, I guess the cat’s out of the bag now.” I shook the bag and I threw her stuffed cat into the crowd. A day later, my aunt from Beaver Dam, Kentucky, calls my mom and says, “Lord, have mercy, Mary Frances, have you seen what’s on the internet?” And she goes, “What?” And she goes, “Kenneth Wayne is on the internet holding one of those plastic penises up for everybody to see. Oh my God, do you condone this type of behavior?” And my mom was like, “Well, if you would’ve watched it to the end, you would’ve saw him come off the stage and give me a hug.”

MW: Wow. Good news travels fast, doesn’t it?

KEN: Yeah. People in Beaver Dam, Kentucky, had nothing to do but look at the internet.

MW: I guess not. Do you have advice in general for leather newbies? Especially, as somebody who represents the community with a sash, people must ask you.

KEN: Leather newbies.

MW: Is there a word for those? I don’t even know.

KEN: I don’t even know if there is a term for a leather newbie. But my advice to them is that everybody’s leather journey is going to be different. Yours is not going to be like anybody else’s. And don’t let somebody tell you how your leather journey is going to be. You will feel it as you go. And just surround yourself with knowledgeable and safe people. And if you have questions, come ask me.

MW: That was good advice. You mentioned IML earlier. That’s, I think, one of the privileges of winning the Mr. MAL title. How was your experience at International Mr. Leather? How’d you do?

KEN: It was wonderful. I had actually gone the year before when I had the Mr. Virginia Leather contest title, just to scope it out, just to see the lay of the land, basically, so when I went, I knew what to expect in a certain degree. But being there as a contestant, it’s challenging. It’s definitely fun. I couldn’t ask to be locked in a room with 58 more beautiful people, my siblings. I love them. We have a WhatsApp chat group. And that was set up just before IML. And that group is just as active today as it was back then. We all stay in contact with one another. If any of us have a problem, we know just put it on the chat and brothers will come to your aid. That experience was really good. And I made Top 20.

MW: There you go.

KEN: Which was like, if I can make Top 20, I’m happy. But it was, it was a great experience. I had some wonderful people come and support me. And I had these little red flashlights, so they could flash me as I was onstage. And I could say, “Hey, there’s more people over there.” I could see my support, because it is a huge audience. And, of course, when I went to go do my speech, I had a little stage fright, but I think I got the meat and potatoes of my speech out. But I’m happy with it. I’m very happy with it. And like I said, I can’t say enough about my siblings. My siblings are wonderful.

MW: I watched the Mr. MAL contest last year, and I had a great time. I guess it’s probably the fourth or fifth one that I’ve been to. And you presented a strong package, pun intended.

KEN: Ah. [Laughs.]

MW: Also, I guess you’re going to be a judge this year. What are the qualities that you’ll be looking for in your successor?

KEN: I’m just looking for somebody that’s genuine, that knows themselves, that are ready to take on the responsibilities of the title and represent the title and the Centaurs well. When you travel and you break out that sash, it’s like the Centaurs are there, and people get really hyped up and excited that you chose their event to come to, because there are so many events. In a weekend there could be three or four different events, every weekend. And I was just sitting there looking at my phone and my calendar and writing down events, and I was like, “Holy shit, I did that many events.”

MW: Do you have to give back every sash? Do you get to keep a sash?

KEN: No, unfortunately, I don’t get to keep the sash. There are competitions that, once the winner wins the contest, they talk to a leather artist and they design a sash that fits that title holder. I think Fire Island is one of them that does it. Some people get to keep them. But no, I don’t get to keep the sash. I wish I could, but I’ve had it for a year, so I’m happy.

MW: What do you think you’ll miss most about your reign?

KEN: What will I miss the most? I don’t think I’m going to really miss a lot. When you are the current title holder, you feel an obligation when people ask you to appear at something to go. This year, I will be able to select what I want to go to pretty much. I already have four events that I have to go to in February. It doesn’t slow down just because you give up the sash. The previous winner of the sash ends up being the catch-all when the current can’t make it for some reason.

But going to all these events, you meet so many wonderful people. And you get to hear some of the stories and talk to people, and they get to know you. Then the next thing you know, you’re getting requests from all over, “Hey, we would like for you to come to our event, judge our event.” And so I’ve got a really big event that’s coming up in February that I’m going to be judging. And it was actually the very first event that I went to after being sashed. I can’t say who they are, because they haven’t announced yet. But it’s very big. And I’m very happy to be involved with it.

MW: I want to ask you about your platform. If I have it right, you “believe in safe spaces, kindness, body empowerment, and inclusivity,” which are, I think, great values for all of us to believe in. Do you see those values being upheld in the leather community in general?

KEN: I absolutely do. This is the first time in history that I know of, in the leather community, that all the major titles are being held by people of color. That’s always been a question from judges is, “How are you going to get people of color involved?” And it normally comes from a person of color, and it normally comes from a person that has won a title.

I always want to say, “Why don’t you see yourself? Because you are present. I see you.” And I’m in a title holders chat group, and I see people that win all over the country. I was like, “People of color are very present.” Not saying that they weren’t or they didn’t have to struggle to get there, but you know what? Today we’re here, and it’s a good place. Now we need to work on trans.

MW: The participation of trans people — has it grown much in your years in leather? I don’t believe I’ve seen anybody who presented as trans in the Mr. MAL competition.

KEN: Right. No. Yes, we did have a trans person last year, right?

MW: I don’t know if that person is trans, but they were definitely gender non-conforming.

KEN: Gender non-conforming. Yes, that’s a better term. But Ms. Pittsburgh Leather is trans. Mama Bear from the North American Bear is trans. Beautiful person. A lovely friend of mine. Saw her at International Leather the year when I went as Virginia and she says, “Baby, you look like you’re lost. Come hang out with us.” And I was like, “Thank you so much.”

MW: We’ve talked about the values of this community. What, if anything, do you think is missing?

KEN: What is missing? I can’t think of anything right off the top of my head that is missing, but we’re always evolving and we’re always improving. And I just think that I will always go back to kindness. It doesn’t hurt to be kind to someone. If you see somebody at a leather event and they’re over there standing against the wall and quiet, there’s nothing wrong with going over and saying, “Hello, how are you doing? Welcome.” And trying to get them to engage. And if they don’t want to engage, that’s perfectly fine, too. But I will always go back to we can definitely be a lot kinder to one another.

MW: That, I think, applies worldwide, always, to everybody. Last few questions for you. One, where do you get your leather gear, or your gear in general? Because it’s not all leather, I guess.

KEN: Yeah, I get gear from all over. One of my big sponsors is Cockeye Kink Leather out of Washington state. Mr. S Leather has always been very nice to me. Northbound Leather, some of the biggies. And I just have leather from everywhere, really.

MW: With regard to uniforms, why, in your opinion, are firefighters so much hotter than cops?

KEN: Because we have bigger trucks and longer boots. [Laughs.] I have a banter that goes on with a local police officer, and he always sends me stuff, and I always send him little gifs back. It’s always this tit-for-tat. And I was like, “You know you’re just embarrassed to drive around in that little blue car. And then we come by you screaming in a big truck, and you can feel the power of the truck go by you.” It’s always that. Everybody loves a fireman, everybody hates a police officer, you know? Who doesn’t love a hot, sweaty person? Especially in a uniform.

MW: Especially in a uniform and slinging a hose. And since we talked about being out, or not being out, in the firehouse, what would be your advice for a rookie firefighter who is gay and not sure whether or not they want to come out to their squad?

KEN: Yeah. It’s hard, because it’s really based on the people that you’re around. Do you want to share that much with those individuals? Do you feel safe with those individuals? Because there’s horror stories of gay firefighters getting hurt and even killed in the firehouse from people who don’t feel like being gay is right. I don’t know. I would love to talk to every one of them.

And that was a part of my answer [at IML], when it was the profession and the kink involvement. I was like, “Hey, look, if this helps any other emergency service person feel comfortable about themselves and come out… Because, you know what? I have proved one thing out of my entire career — a gay man can do your job, and he can do it fucking well.” I have a tattoo sleeve that depicts four of the five scenes when I have actually put hands on somebody and pulled them out of the fire and saved their lives. It’s rare to go through a career and actually have that type of physical contact with a victim, and for me to be blessed with five of them, I feel very fortunate. I feel that if there was ever a calling of why I am who I am and why I’m on this earth, it’s at least for those five people.

Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend 2025 runs Friday, June 10 to Sunday, June 12. The Mr. MAL Contest is Sunday, June 12, from 1 to 4 p.m., in the Ballroom of the Hyatt Regency on Capitol Hill, 400 New Jersey Ave. NW. The contest, along with access to the Exhibit Hall, are included in a 3-day pass package for $45 or a single-day Sunday pass for $30. Single-day passes are also available for Friday and Saturday for $20. Passes are available for purchase at the venue. Visit www.leatherweekend.com.

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