Women don’t cruise, says Lane Moore, they “pine.”

“Of course, of course, some women cruise!” the bisexual comedian known for her show Tinder Live! With Lane Moore laughs. “I don’t want to speak for everybody, but I think for me, I respectfully pine. I definitely am on the street just like, ‘Damn, she’s extremely hot! I am into it!’ And then I just assume or hope that we will meet if it is destiny.”

Moore’s destiny, as it turns out, lay in Tinder, the ubiquitous, somewhat obnoxious dating app that encourages people to accept — or reject — perspective paramours by swiping right or left on their photos.

A perpetually energized comic who got her start writing for the parody publication The Onion, Moore perches on stage and broadcasts her actual Tinder profile on a large screen behind her. The audience, who are very much a part of the interactive show, help her decide which way to swipe.

Should a match be made, a conversation ensues. Moore’s show sometimes features fellow, like-minded comedians (David Cross, Janeane Garofalo, Lizz Winstead, JD Samson to name a few) who serve as conspirators and commentators, upping the evening’s humor quotient.

There’s only one hard and fast rule for Tinder Live! The only people Moore will swipe on are cis het men — because, as she puts it, they have the wackiest profiles, with photos of themselves often drenched in blood, or showing off their guns (not the biceps kind), or including cans of Lysol (why, dear god?) in their profile pics.

It’s all in good fun, Moore says. The evening is meant to be playful, “punching up” as she calls it, never “punching down.” But sometimes, it’s difficult to avoid the darkness that lurks within the apps.

“Blatant hatred is a huge part of why I created Tinder Live,” she says. “There’s so much misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, racism on these apps, and sometimes it’s hidden, and sometimes it’s real naked. And when you’re going through those profiles at home alone, it can feel devastating and horrible.

“So I think there’s something really powerful and wonderful about going to a show where you can watch somebody call that out and have a whole bunch of people in the audience say ‘Ugh!’ collectively. Yeah, we’re all seeing it. We’re all witnessing it. We all see that this is harmful. We all see that this is unnecessary, disgusting, and shouldn’t exist. And at least that gives you more power than sitting at home alone feeling like you’re the only one who just read that.”

Moore, who will bring Tinder Live! to the Arlington Drafthouse on Saturday, March 15, took a few minutes to discuss the finer points of swiping and why so many straight men should consider working on improving their profile pics.

METRO WEEKLY: Where did you come up with the concept of Tinder Live and what happens during this show?

LANE MOORE: So the first time I went on Tinder and I saw the straight men’s profiles, I was immediately like, “Oh, this is a comedy show.” Just why is this the photo you took, where it’s like, you’ll see guys just covered in blood. Immediately, it was clear to me that this needs to be a comedy show. And so I created Tinder Live.

We go on my actual Tinder, and I swipe live through profiles. The audience chooses whether I swipe right or left. And I only swipe right on the most insane profiles and dive right into the chaos. So I will swipe on the guy who is a photo of a condom, Lysol, and a gun.

And it’s totally improvised. Anything can happen. And it’s just the funniest thing, really, because so much of it is a commentary on how ridiculous heterosexual dating is. But also how ridiculous it is to connect with people, how hard it’s to connect.

I think so many of us, when you go on dating apps, it tends to be this lonely, frustrating experience, but when you take that lonely, frustrating experience and you turn it into comedy, and I’m fully in control and calling out how crazy this is, and creating something really funny out of something really terrible, is just the best thing.

MW: I have encountered on Tinder precisely what you’re talking about — people putting up pictures of themselves beaten, bruised, and bloodied. And I’m thinking, what is that meant to do? Are you like a member of Fight Club? I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean. It’s just so weird. And people really, really need photo editors. They just don’t have a clue as to how to pick a good picture of themselves.

MOORE: They really don’t. And I think that that’s it, right? It’s like it really is this universal “Nobody’s having fun here,” and most people are not making good choices. One of the things that I’ve realized from doing Tinder Live for so long is that there are some really good people on there, but they have horrible profiles. They’ve made really bizarre choices.

And you just want to say, “You didn’t show this to anybody? You didn’t go and get feedback on this? Because I have notes.” It’s one thing to be able to look at that from a comedic sense, but yeah, when you’re trying to meet someone you’re trying to date, it’s so frustrating. Because it’s like, “Exactly what am I looking at? This is what I have to choose from?”

MW: Well, not everybody’s a good photographer, but you would think that when you’re sifting through your pictures, you’d probably want to say, “I’d like to put my best foot forward here.”

MOORE: Right. And that’s exactly what I mean, because Tinder Live is a really kind show. We’re not punching down. I’m actually looking for reasons to like them and give them a chance. But you’ll see photos where it’s like every single shot is them flipping you off or it’s a photo of their pubes. And you’re like, what am I supposed to do with pubes and you giving me the finger? You’re not giving me much to work with.

MW: The guys holding up dead deer really disturb me.

MOORE: That’s what I mean! So many of them.

MW: Have you ever matched during the live show? You must have.

MOORE: Oh, we match the entire show! We match live, and we message live. I’ll be talking to 10 different people. One of the things that it’s known for is it ends up becoming kind of like a sketch show in a way, because I’ll be having 10 different totally insane conversations with 10 different people, and I’m matching their energy.

So maybe I’m having a conversation with a guy who’s obsessed with dead deer in one. And then in the second conversation, I’m talking to a guy who calls himself Satan and is telling me how to forage for mushrooms.

MW: Have you ever not matched during a show?

MOORE: Very occasionally, I will have a show where, for whatever reason, I don’t match during the show, and it’s still funny. I’m still able to make a great show out of it. So I think that’s something that’s definitely really exciting as a performer, is I’m essentially improvising a stand-up set every night. I go out there, and it’s all going to be improvised.

Who’s going to come up? Who’s going to match? What are they going to say? What am I going to say? That makes it so fun for the audience and so fun for me because it’s like a choose your own adventure with comedy.

MW: Do these folks know they’re on a live comedy show?

MOORE: No. And often, some of the guys who may have profiles that you would never swipe right on are actually really cool people. I’ll say something really bizarre, and they’ll match that energy. Like, I once talked with a guy and I think we started talking about wanting to live in a world made of cheese. And we talked about it for a really long time, and it just got crazier and crazier. I am not pretending that I’m the girl of their dreams. I’m kind of the girl of their nightmares — but they really like that.

I know that I’m the best conversation that they’ll ever have on the app because most conversations on the app are like, “Hi,” “Hi.” And here I’m telling a guy that I’m stuck inside a can of beans in the woods. So it should be pretty clear that something’s probably a little bit weird in a fun way.

MW: Have any of these matches ever amounted to an actual date for you?

MOORE: So I did in the beginning of Tinder Live — I started going out with some of them. When you see a Tinder Live show, every now and again, there’s a conversation where it starts off really silly and his profile is really goofy, or weird, or whatever it is. And then we start talking, and he’s really rolling with it. Like, the things that I’m saying are crazy, and he’s totally matching that energy in a way that’s kind of fun. That happens a good amount of time.

And so in the beginning of doing the show, people were like, “You should actually go out with them.”

I’ve also set up people in the audience with people who I’ve matched with. And they’ve been like, “Can you set me up with Dan? He actually seems really cool.” And relationships have happened from that. So I think that that’s a really cool thing, that unless the person’s really, really hateful, and something’s really dark there, the guys end up getting set up with people or get dates out of this. And that’s really nice for me.

MW: Do you ever get fed women as well, and if so, do you swipe right on women?

MOORE: So I swipe left on women and nonbinary people. And I talk about that. We’re really only swiping right on cis het men. Look, I’m a queer person. I’ve seen that everybody can have bad profiles. That’s really true. But the way I look at it is the world is making fun of us all the time. I don’t need to add to that.

And the thing is the profiles that I’m seeing from cis het men are so much crazier than anything I’ve seen fellow queer people do. And then the only thing that would be left is to talk about is talk their looks, and I don’t do that with anybody. So it’s really just you’re going to see the highest concentration of absolutely batshit insanity if it’s heterosexual men. That’s just the best. Who’s being the craziest? It’s always the cis het men.

MW: You have a large gay following. Why do you think gay people enjoy this show?

MOORE: I mean, so many reasons. We are told so often that queer dating is wrong, and flawed, and weird. And we are fed this model that heterosexual dating is the best and the only good way. That’s something that we’re indoctrinated in from day one our whole lives.

But heterosexual dating is so insane, and so flawed, and so goofy. And that’s why so many of us love The Bachelor and Love Is Blind because we know that that’s not true. We know that it’s messy and it’s insane and it’s regressive and all this stuff. So a show that takes aim at this thing that we’ve been told is the best we got is just the most fun thing. I think, again, it’s that punching up at this thing that we’re told is the best.

And then also, there’s something so relatable about it. I think everybody sees themselves in it, really. Like, gay men are seeing nightmare profiles, gay women are seeing nightmare profiles, god knows bisexuals are seeing nightmare profiles. We’re all trying to connect and having kind of a horrible time, so it’s something that’s universal. And seeing a fellow queer person call this stuff out and see it from a gay queer perspective just adds to something really special about that.

MW: Final question: Are you currently in a romantic relationship?

MOORE: [Pauses.] I am dating people. Yeah, I’m dating.

MW: They take the Tinder Live thing in stride, obviously.

MOORE: Yeah. It’s funny. I’ve been doing Tinder Live for ten years now, so I’ve dated so many people within that time. And that sounds crazy, but I have. I’ve dated a good amount of people. And ten years is a long fucking time.

And they’re always psyched about it. They’ll come to Tinder Live shows with me, and they know. A lot of times, I met them on the app, so they know they beat the odds. They know how crazy it is. And they love it too, so that’s really nice.

Tinder Live! With Lane Moore is Saturday, March 15, at 9 p.m. at Arlington Drafthouse, 2903 Columbia Pike in Arlington, Va. General admission tickets are $30. 21+ only. Call 571-765-5904 or visit www.arlingtondrafthouse.com/shows/300332.

Upcoming dates include Stamford, N.Y. (3/22), Jersey City, N.J. (3/27), Brooklyn, N.Y. (4/17), New Hope, Pa. (4/19), Park City, Utah (4/24), Boulder, Co. (4/26), Asbury Park, N.J. (5/2), Seattle, Wa. (5/24) and Boston, Mass. (5/31) with more dates to be announced soon. Visit www.lanemoore.org.

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