That’s a lot of members: Grindr surpasses the 6 million mark on its 4th Birthday
Today, Grindr turns 4. True, that’s still a toddler in human years, but for an app, it’s akin to middle age, or at least the early 30s. The gay social app — which a press release from the company more elaborately calls a “groundbreaking all-male, location-based meet up app” — touts users in 192 countries with more than 6 million members. That’s potentially 3 million gay couples, or 2 million thruples.
The key to Grindr’s success is simplicity. It doesn’t fuss with showing you users 9,000 miles away, but rather locally, in a comfortable, nearby range for easy, quick access. There’s no “woofing” on Grindr. You just simply say “S’up” to someone and allow them to ignore you, despite the fact that they’re clearly online. Repeated attempts at “S’up” may result in a condition known as “Blockage.” See someone you think is cute? “Favorite” him with a star. He’ll have a permanent berth with all your other “favorites” atop your Grindr screen. If he has location-based services on, you can watch as the object of your desire gets closer, closer, closer, close enough to actually touch at 294 feet, and then suddenly, with no warning is two miles away, likely with another Grindr user whom he did not ignore.
We’ll say this for Grindr: It has its social uses. You can find out which of your neighbors are gay and which have the better chests (or once had, if the “headless” picture they’re using is a decade old). When visiting another city, simply change your name to “Visiting” or “Hotel” or “Looking” and you’ll have a party in your room in no time. Just make sure the minibar is stocked.
If you’re lucky, you’ll have a scintillating conversation that goes more or less like this:
“S’up.”
“Hi. Nothing much. You?”
“Same. Horny. Looking?”
“Yes. Horny. You?”
“Yes. Pics?”
“Yes. You?”
“Yes.”
[Pics are exchanged. Measurements are assessed.]
“Top?”
“Vers. You?”
“Same.”
“Cool. Wanna fucj?”
“What?”
“*duck”
“What?”
“Goddam autocorrect.”
“LOL.”
“:) Wanna hang?”
[No response. Ten minutes go by.]
“Still there, stud?”
[No response. Ten minutes go by.]
“Hello?”
[And the cycle begins anew.]
So, Happy Birthday, Grindr! Here’s to the next four years — and 6 million more members.
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